Question
Mom thinks I'm destroying the family.. I almost believe her.. what do you make of this situation (Long, 10pts)?
In short, my dad is extremely mentally ill and not medicated. He blew up a week ago, and was violently angry for a solid 4 days. My mother called a mental health crisis center when he went Awol and started breaking everything in the home and said he was going to kill himself. The woman on the phone begged my mother to call the police - so she did.When my dad returned home, he spoke to the cops and they left. They told him to leave us alone for today, but as soon as they left, he started up again - screaming and yelling for 45 mins until my mother and I left and spent the night at my boyfriends work (a hotel).When we came home, it started up AGAIN. I posted a few things on facebook (I only have 3 family members as friends). The posts were::I have cops and FBI at my house.. didn't know my town had FBI(5 comments asking me why.. none were family)My dad went crazy... literally(4 more comments, none family)We're ok, Thanks for caring guys. Mom's a mess, but we'll pull thru it. We're strong. He just needs help..The next thing I posted was:spent the night in a hotel, mom's doing better. He sugar dropped from 370 to 170. Thanks for caring guys, all of your support is really helping us!(my moms diabetic, and stress causing her sugar to rise to dangerous levels).Yesterday, the whole mood of the home changed. Mom was happy and being nice to dad, dad was being nice to everyone.. she said she's going to go to therapy and going to change. But got VERY angry when she found out about my facebook posts because her brother called and asked if everything was ok.Now she says i'm trying to destroy her family and ruin my dads reputation. Her exact words were along the lines of:"Your aunt already HATES your father because of what he does, now your giving everyone reasons to hate him even more. Why are you trying to destroy this family? Maybe your dad was right.. you are trying to manipulate and control me.. you just want your dad gone, dont you?"Is she right? I don't feel what I posted was that terrible... but was it? I feel like I should apologize, but if you knew my father.. you'd know all he does is for control. I feel like he's trying to brainwash my mom against me.. I never forced her to call the police, I didn't force her into a hotel, it was always a QUESTION!"Do you want to stay at a hotel? can make it happen, just say the word, mom""Heres a phone number to the crisis center.. call her if you need to talk about dad.. maybe she can help get him into treatment"I only have REAL LIFE friends added to my facebook. Everyone else is blocked. No strangers saw these posts.. only the people closest to me. I didn't even add anyone on his side of the family.. only my brother, my aunt and my cousin (who doesn't speak to any of the family). The rest were all friends I speak to daily.
Posted 1 year ago in Diabetes by CrazyMonster
Answers
Anonymous
Hey. Well after reading your posts it truly does sound like your mom's dealing with a lot at the moment and is obviously gonna be really stressed out by the smallest of things. But then again what people aren't probably realizing is that YOU also are under a lot of stress. I don't think she truly meant what she said to you, it was probably heat of the moment - out of anger and the stress. I can understand why your mom was angry at you for posting your family's business on facebook as many people don't agree with it, they see it as intruding and inappropriate. Maybe your mom's paranoid what people are thinking and so flipped because she's worried as it is.You need to make it clear that you didn't intend to hurt anyone by posting the posts and that you did it purely because you don't want to feel alone. You obviously want to share your situation with friends for guidance/help and want someone to talk to. Your mom probably didn't realize this as she's too busy thinking of other things right now. I don't blame you for posting the posts, after all it's not just your family's business, it's YOURS to, you obviously are affected by the whole situation. Now you know your mom isn't happy with the posts all you can do is make sure you don't post anything about the problems again, just to avoid further upset even though you clearly don't intend it. I hope you and your family resolve all the problems, don't worry everyone has their bad patches, in a few years time you'll look back and hardly remember. Just try to keep calm and not get too stressed and your mom will soon realize that you are upset and just as stressed as anyone else.Hope I've helped, good luck!
Anonymous
It's not your fault at all.Your mom is not at a critical level to be actually speaking on her own behalf with all this stress going on, but again please don't use facebook as a diary that causes alot of things to get out of hands.-I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Anonymous
It sounds to me like your mother is just deflecting the focus off the real problem bcuz its easier to blame you and bcuz you "outed" her. But , in regards to mental illness, domestic abuse or violence, substance abuse, family disfuction and even simple personal character defects, it's our secrets that keep us sick. She probably doesn't think there are any options with an reasonably good chance of an outcome she can live with. And although it's not healthy for her to pretend its all okay, she and especially you need to remember that thats her choice for herself. Andyou have the right to make your on choices about what you need and whats acceptable to you. As long as your motives are honest and not malicious then she has no business blaming you. If her family gives her a bad time bcuz you refuse to keep the secret, that's their choice. And if telling the truth and taking care of yourself "tears the family apart" then so be it. The problem isn't that you refuse to pretend anymore, it's that theywantyoutopretend.
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