Anatomy of a Breakup

By Bruce Newman

When California became the first state in the nation to legally adopt "no-fault" divorce in 1969, it accomplished by legislative fiat what no unhappy couple ever had -- making divorce completely blameless.

Few of life's contractual arrangements seem better suited to the assignment of fault than divorce -- the dissolution of a legal contract to which both parties pledged to remain faithful unto death. About that: As the divorce rate in the United States soared past 50 percent in the 1970s, it created the largest generation of children in human history who watched their parents' marriages hiss, smoke and finally detonate.

"Nobody really wants to get divorced," says San Jose divorce coach Lana Foladare, whose service -- Divorce Without Drama -- seeks to reduce the pettiness, rage and treachery inherent in the process to merely operatic levels. "There's still some stigma. Every person who goes through it has to reconcile themselves to feeling like, 'I'm a failure because my marriage ended.' "

And yet divorce is not all bad. Many are preferable to the dysfunctional marriages they replace. A divorce decree can mark the beginning of a season of renewal, a chance to start fresh -- eyes wide open to every possibility and pitfall. According to the Web site DivorceWizards.com, 80 percent of men and 75 percent of women remarry within three years.

But no-fault divorce? Tell that to Leslee and David Lageschulte who had a 13-year marriage, and painful yearlong divorce.

Source: YellowBrix, San Jose Mercury News
weewee65's picture
I am 15 yrs. into my 3rd marriage (actually only 8 yrs. of marriage and 7 yrs. living together). My 1st marriage lasted 5 yrs. and my 2nd marriage 21 yrs. I could write a book on all the reasons why my 1st 2 marriages didn't last but I'd rather talk about what a lasting marriage is like.....Respect 25% .Physical attraction 25% Emotional compatibility 25% Intellectual compatibility 20% and Dumb luck 5%.........all the millions of pieces of advice about communication has never worked for me......there has to be that certain "chemistry" and the communication will follow.........Marry someone who you really like as a person...
mollybailey's picture
David sounds just awful! Leslee made it clear from the beginning that she wanted to start a family soon, and he proposed knowing that. As a virgin, he obviously had no experience with a long term relationship, and for him it was "all about me, my needs, the attention I'm getting". Instead of maturely working alongside his wife to raise their children, he was off looking for some undivided attention from another woman. Leslee's main mistake was lying to herself about what he was in the early months of their relationship. I only hope that he attaches this article to any online dating profile he posts, so that an interested woman knows what she is setting herself up for. And on top of leaving, he fought her tooth and nail for everything she asked for - hence the cost of their divorce. He should have let her have everything she wanted/needed, just because he didn't live up to his side of the marriage contract. He's the type that goes out and marries an Asian mail order bride, and then wonders why she leaves him a few years later.....
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