Dating After Divorce: The Do's and Don'ts

Your divorce may have made you gun-shy about dating again. You may be concerned about your emotional vulnerability, your appearance or your ability to sustain a loving relationship. It's no wonder that you feel you might just be better off jumping into bed by yourself and pulling the blankets up over your head.But don't give up so easily! In the real world, each day brings new opportunities to put your fears behind you and to live the fulfilling life that is waiting for you.The first step, of course, is to get back out there and meet people. That won't be as hard as you think. Things in the dating world haven't changed that much. Some people equate it to riding a bicycle: Once you've ridden one, you never forget how. Then again, if you aren't willing to improve your skills, you're bound to keep making the same mistakes -- and taking bad falls -- over and over again.What you need is a refresher course on some very basic dating do's and don'ts. Here are four tips for dating success: Tip No. 1: Don't let the process frighten you. Dating is not a life-or-death situation. It's a check-things-out, enjoy-yourself and open-your-eyes opportunity. By keeping this perspective, you won't make more of dating than it really is, you're far more likely to have a good time, and most importantly, if it doesn't go well, you won't get hurt.

Tip No. 2: Do make the most of the opportunity. Relax beforehand, take time to look your best, and have a good time. Half the fun is getting there. That may mean flirting, primping and priming yourself to be quot;on" for the occasion. Whether or not this date leads to a second one, you'll know you gave it your all, and that's what counts.

Tip No. 3: Don't put too much emphasis on the end result. Don't focus on the question of a second date before you've actually experienced the first date. If things don't turn out the way you wanted them to, don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, take whatever lessons you can gain from the experience. By doing so, you lessen the chances that the same thing will happen to you next time. Life is an endless learning experience for those of us who can keep our eyes, ears and minds open.

Tip No. 4: Do take your time with feeling comfortable with the dating process. Don't let anyone rush you into feeling or doing something that doesn't feel right -- including sex. You control your own destiny. You get to choose what you do, when and with whom. If the time, place, person and circumstance feels right, then allow yourself to follow your best instincts regarding what you need, and when.

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004). For help with your relationship today, visit Love Advice From AskMarsVenus.com.

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Source: Relationships & Love

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