Marriage Decisions -- When To Give Up?

It's usually just takes one. If it were true that both wanted out of a marrage it would be as easy to divorce as it was to marry! It is either one (or both) cheated or else one is just to Selfish to share with the other but wanted to find greener pastures in their perfect world.. Takes two to marry but only one to divorce..

My husband is a alcoholic, gambler,,,had un affair wih another lady. I never left him beacause of my kids. Now is the time to leave him....my house is for sale already!

Verbal abuse, I hope is not the step to physical and emotional abuse. How did your husband act during your pregnancy? Was he happy about being a father? Why would he fight for custody if he does nothing to help you? It may be just to keep you from filing for a divorce. Seems like he is doing a lot of his spending on a good time. Most women think that love will keep them together. I made that mistake many years ago, but would not suggest that you continue or leave. Deep down inside you will know when you've had enough, and then and only then will you make that decision. Good luck.

I have a 15 month old son and my husband does nothing to help with him. I feed, change, bath, drop off at daycare, take care of him while my husband goes out with friends, etc. The other day he was verbally abusive and said he was sick of me and it was not even worth it even for our son. He said he would get custody of him if I tried to file for divorce. Does anyone have any suggestions? By the way i work full time pay most of the bills, i have a little debt but not much and I make more money than he does.

Married 33 yrs. Hard time w/enuf reg. sex for husbands needs (which are perfectly normal) right from start, or more like after 1st baby. I do remember a good amt. of belittling, verbal abuse, etc. through out. Could it have been that I didn't realize what I needed to want to be sexual? Like a reasonable amt. of time to get in the mood. (be romanced or whatever) Not a great deal of romance, or intimacy. (boy if I knew what I know now) A -type driven all the time, me @ home w/3kids sports, etc... A type always late, or out of town. I' m thinking didn't make time to be intimate. A type thinks he may have stayed @work more cuz he wasn't getting the recognition at home (I guess that means sex. Last 8 yrs. job change...went down sewer. Self employment 2 ideas sucked up $$. Lost a good amt. thought A type just couldnt "do it" cuz of all the pressure, etc. (and he has had a ton of s** to deal with. And verbal abuse got much worse. One big physical wake up call came a a couple mos before... Had pt-tm job for 4 of the past 8, (hav daughter w/cognitive disb) Forced myself on him to work w/him in our new (seemingly successful business) CAUSE I WAITED FOR HIM FOR SO LONG, & WANTED TO HAVE FUN WORKING TOGETHER AT SOMETHING Til wake up call one day, A type tells me it's not that he can't do it, but he d/n/want to do it. Cause he had to work too hard for it, thruout marriage. Says things have been over for 20 years. I think he could be very depressed but just compartmentalizes it. .. When this neutering process happened we were doing fine. Honest. We were doing much better.. no kids around, A type self emp. His time more flexible... Me, totally supportive w/job loss, and ready for new adventure. Why just one night? Also, making matters worse, (he missed the whole menopause thing) now it is still not normal (as far as depth of pleasure for him) cuz my body gave up on it. I ve forced him literally the 1st few times. I believe I love him more than ever. I ve told him about the verbal abuse thing and so called unintended txmt. of me.. Or am I chicken to spit. Feel too responsible for those who need me.?

I have been married for 25 years.2 kids are grown.I am going throug male change.I have lost wt ,for health reasons .I run my wifes family business.A lot of stress ,health care field,financial as well .I have considered a divorce ,but a lot of consideration to the business side .I hate to be so selfish to put a lot of people's welfare for my personal satisfaction .My wife does not give me emotional support .She does not even know what it means .I am middle age ,everything I have done and everything I want to do has slammed me right in the face,and I continue to be upbeat and work hard all the time .I want a change in my future.I have told her this .She suffers from depression,untreated .She is the only child ,and is very materalistic and spoiled. Out of a need to talk to someone I have started talking to a old girlfriend who recently went through a divorce.Probable not the ideal person to talk to ,but I had other issues to talk to her as well.And she continues to talk as friends .She does not even say anything sometimes ,she listens,which is waht I need to help my sanity. the possibility of a divorce is ongoing .I hate to spend what little life I have with no emotional support ,and I have yet to figure out why all if a sudden it is so imporatnt.But it is on the top of my list .I have been looking at Harleys and changing my lifestyle completly .I am not for sure she is in it .True happiness comes from within .People that can touch each others soul with just one word .Thats what life is all about ,Whether I am looking for something unreal ,I don't know.

Being alone is tough BUT not tougher than being in a bickering relationship or one you find yourself keeping quiet just to avoid a confrontation like I was for 28 years. After all what is worse than not feeling genuine happiness when the other comes through the door. I now have joined an adult center and volunteer. Have friends that mean the world to me and can be ME. My kids and grandkids say I smile from the inside now. Yes I stayed basically from the fear of being alone but to allow fear to rule me finally got too much to handle. I just didn't want the last few minutes I was on this earth to be spent saying to myself why don't I feel peace and happiness. Hang in there and go slowly. You'll be fine down the line.

I was in a 2nd marriage for 23 years. He was a good man, didn't drink,smoke, abuse (physically) or cheat on me at all but I also knew I was NOT happy. So after the younger 2 kids were almost out of HS I asked him to move out (it was my house originally) After 2 years I asked for a divorce and have been since 2004. It was lonesome at first but the peace of mind and the joy of thinking for myself was exhilarating.
Some people think you should stay at all costs...but what cost is joy, happiness, peace, I was so emotionally starved I cannot begin to tell you.......if you leave your marriage DON"T rush out into another relationship (at least not one with marriage) enjoy your freedom and the peacefulness you'll feel. I stayed single for 4 years after the divorce and just 8 months ago married a man who feeds me emotionally and is just plain wonderful. I met him online and we took it slow (over a year) and decided we would rather be together than apart (living a distance from each other) I'm still very happy with that decision.
Some women believe any man is better than NO man....why??? You are SO worth the respect you deserve from your spouse...if you're not getting it -- then he's not worth the time you give him. I wish you both well......it's not an easy road but it's worth the journey.

ok, what do you do when you have been married for 28 years, with the same man for 30 years, and your first love shows back up in your life after over a 30 year time span? My first love contacted me via email in 2007, we got together just to catch up on things, and both never expected our feelings to take control of us... both of us are in long term marriages, but believe that fate has brought us together again. My husband is a wonderful man, however has been sleeping on the couch for the past 10 years because he didnt want to upset or dissapointment in the love making aspect of our relationship...so I guess no sex is better than failed sex, to him anyway..i asked him to get help, I dont want to be on medication was the response I got, I asked him if he was happy with our physical relationship, the answer i got was "if you leave me that is just the way it will be" that slap in my face was just the initiative i needed to keep my relationship with d (1st love) going. This has been going on for almost 2 years, and I just cant decide if i should leave husband for 1st love...first love is retired navy working for the government ..however, he has health issues,,, am I being too vain....I worry about the future with him, although life is a crap shoot....can some one out there relate...

my story is so long. It's hard to know where to start. I married my first boyfriend. We met in college. He got commissioned in the Navy, we married after I finished college (I was 23) and have spent our entire married life moving every 2 -3 years, saying goodbye often as he deployed and having 3 children. We have been married 15 years. The past 5 years our marriage has been really hard. I grew distant from him and started to lose attraction to him. He is a good looking successful pilot, so I really struggle with what my problem is. He isn't the warm fuzzy type and so even when he was actually around, I don't think he met my emotional needs. You add that to spending half your marriage apart, living away from family and raising the kids by yourself and what do you get? Well, lets just stay, you become miserable, resentful and depressed. He has one more 3 year assignment before he retires, but I'm considering divorce. I can't believe we reached this point. I'm so angry that our marriage fell apart. He is a decent successful hardworking man, but there is no passion, no fun, no intimacy. I find myself attracted to other men. I dream about a different life with someone I'm attracted to. He is devasted and wants to make it work. Easy for him to say. He has lived his dream and seems to be attracted to me and still wants me. It's horrible to feel this way. We have 3 kids and i'm afraid to be alone and worry i will regret my decision if I leave. I am so depressed. Any advice would be so much appreciated.

I have made the decision to get a divorce, I am very scared and feel very lonely even though I have the support and love of my family and friends. I had married my husband 2x's, first time when our daughter was 2 and then the second time when I was pregnant w/ our son. I truely believed when we married the 2nd time it would be forever. My husband is an alcoholic, and I love him dearly, but I am tired of me and children being 2nd in his life. Of course he cant admit that, he doesnt have a drinking problem. He said I never showed his attention (says he doesnt have a girlfriend, but he got a 2 yr cell phone contract w/ her, i could go on) but that was because I was disgusted w/ him being drunk when I would get home from work. It was a very hard decision and I still have days that I can't stop crying, but I do know that it will be for the best in the end for all of us. I wish you the best of luck in making your decision, but I have been w/ my husband a total of 22 yrs, so think @ yourself first, something that I am sure you dont do! Good luck on making your decision and sorry for going on about my situation.

I must be blunt trust your guts.....no sex and sitting home with a cat. Is he cheating? If you are not happy end it asap.....you will be happier.

I've been married for six years now, and my husband and i get more and more distant all the time. We have a 3 and 6 year old, and got married when I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. Our relationship was fun and exciting for the first year that we got together, like all relationships. But we had only been dating 7 months, when I got pregnant. So we went from new fun relationship to married with child. I was diagnosed with a hypothyroid disease when my son was 4 months old, and it seems like our marriage has been doomed every since. My husband constantly brings up the fact that I've changed since we got married and walks around annoyed and angry all the time. He makes it very difficult for me to show affection a lot of the time, so therefore he's always sexually frusterated.

We have different beliefs too, which gets harder and harder for me to deal with. I've been trying for years to get him to believe in God, and he told me that he doesn't think he ever will. He's been going to church with the kids and I, but he says that he just goes for me. That's not good enough anymore though. I feel like we have nothing in common anymore and if we don't have the same beliefs and never will, then maybe we should just get divorced. We both feel like if we didn't have the kids, we wouldn't be together. So how much longer do we try to make things work, when we've been dealing with the same crap for the past six years?

I never thought I would be filing for divorce. I was a single mom for 17 years and held out until I thaought I found the right man. I married at 37 and had just received a Master's Degree. I thought becasue I waited so long in life and tried to be careful I would only have one marriage. My parents were divorced and I never wanted that. I married a man I met online after 1 year. He had a stable job for 20 years and a nice house. He was good to my kids and seem respected in his community. Somehow he fooled me. He turned out to be abusive and I feel I had the shortest marriage in history. I left after 5 1/2 weeks. For a couple of months I tried to get him to go to counseling.

It was like being in a car wreck becasue he changed 180 degrees after we married and I did not see it coming. He tells me I have mental illness, he has physically been abusive, he threatened to call up my place of employment and get me fired, he used my oldest son against me after I begged him to keep him out of our marriage problems, and the list goes on and on.. After all this he still says he loves me but I need help. He has never apologized for anything he has done. He has written rambling letters to the judge or our divorce saying I have "mental illness" and need to be treated.

I have been through hell. Our divorce is going to be final in 12 days. He is on the Interenet again looking for another woman.

I am glad I got out becasue I found out he was abusive to his ex-wife. I just feel like the world's biggest fool. We had a large wedding and invited a lot of friends and family. I just do not know how I missed what he was. I just pray god will help me get through this. I hope I can work on myself enough so this does not happen again. I am still young and so I guess I still have some hope. For any women out their like me be careful and make sure you ask enough questions about your future husband past. It has been a hard learning experience for me but, hopefullly it will never be repeated.

For a while now I have been dissatisfied with marriage overall. I can be very philosophical and sometimes believe that
marriage is not a natural state for people, so I am very critical of my
feelings because I am aware of this.
Here goes: We get along, care for
each other, but hardly spend quality time together, have no mutual friends, very
different families, and have become bored with each other. My husband ignores things. He likes to pretend everything is fine. We’re both young, and rarely have sex
anymore. Even in the beginning, after
about the first year of marriage, we’ve had sex maybe once a month or two months. I also feel like I have given up on life,
ambitions, etc. because he has had opportunities; hence, I have followed. I work, but feel like I have given up. I no longer have the ambition/drive that I
once had and find myself asking…. Is this what it’s all for for women? Since elementary, study, go to college, work
hard to pay for school, get married (to a good guy I must admit), not have sex anymore, have kids, and that’s it. I don’t have children, never really wanted
any, but have considered having one mostly out of loneliness now and the fact
that I’ll probably want someone around when I’m older. I know this is not a good idea…. I’m just
ranting my thoughts. The sex part does
bother me though and I wanted to know if this is “normal” and other general
opinions. Thanks.

Oh... and it's Friday night, two hours since my husband could have been home from work, and I'm sitting here with my cat, writing this. :)

At least I'm laughing.

I tried to save my marriage for 3 1/2 years after my then wife told me she wanted a divorce. Finally gave up and said I would give her the divorce when I admitted to myself that she was having an affair with a co-worker and that he was trying to act like he was my friend. All I could do not to go off on him. Fortunately in the 6 years since I told her she could have the divorce I have not seen him.

You will give up when the fear of the known becomes bigger than the unknown.....and hopefully that happens before you are endangered.

Good luck.

If your spouse disrepects in any way. You when enough is enough. If you have tried eveything to try to salvage this marriage and they are not then there a possibility that there is a third party involved so just move on you deserve better. Sometimes people take for granted when the have someone who really cares and thinks mentally that the grass is greener aon the other side but realize that the had what they wanted all along because men have big egos.

I made an awful mistake 6 years ago. I was married when i was young to my first love-unfortunately he was accused of a crime he never committed and was gone for 18 years. In the interim, I started my own family, it wasnt perfect, but i realize now it wasnt bad at all. To make a long story short, my first love came back, my feelings were still there and just like that i left my ex husband to remarry my first love! What a mistake!. Its been 7 years now and it has been a marriage from hell. He's abusive verbally and has just threatened my life. He's always sorry, but ea time it just gets worse. I have made the decision to separate from him, and each day that goes by I know that im going to be ok. I believe that God is going to help me. I held on bc i was scared since i am self employed, but somehow the strength that God is giving me, I know im going to make it. My ex and I have become the best of friends. I've realized that I am a strong woman. I have always put others before me. I am not a selfish person, but its time for me and I am going forward and will never look back again!

I have been w/my second husband 6 years nw and married just a year ago. He has always been very good to me .He has a very meek demeanor. Know one knows that he has been verbally and sometimes physically abusing me. He accuses me of pushing his buttons. I worked full time up to 6 months ago and due to health reasons am now considered disabled. I lost my health covergage now on my husbands. I have asked him to leave but he tells me " never". He holds the insurance card over my head. Most of the time he is very devoted and loving but he has this temper that boils over on me and no one else. What should I do. I used to be so crazy for him but now I don't care. He is losing my lov by his actions aan blames me .

I have been in a married relationship for 2 years but with the same man for 11 years that was after a 13 year - 1st time. I married both times out of fear of being alone and both times ended up regretting my decision....now the financial comfort factor comes into play and I stay now because it is comfortable...not a good reason but better then being alone, I had thought...but after a month of testing the waters ...I can live alone. Am I happy...content...and some day I will make the committment to happy...when that day comes is still the big question....maybe when the kids head to University or a win the lottery...???

My husband and I have been together 10 years, most of which he has traveled extensively for his job. He is gone for weeks at a time, sometimes months at a time. We have a part-time marriage at best. We have had LOTS of marital problems not surprisingly. My husband is well aware that his work demand to travel and be gone so much of the time is destroying us, but he chooses to continue. He is 54 and he is afraid to leave his job for fear he can't find another one that would allow him to be home daily. I understand his reluctance, but bottom line, he seems to be putting his job before our marriage. He says 'he's doing this job for us and our future', but I tell him that the way things have been going and the current state of our relationship, there will not be an 'us' to be working for, so what good is it? If the very thing he is 'working for' is being destroyed, what point is it? What is your opionion?

We have been married 28 years and over the last year I have started seeing a decrease in affection towards me. I have tried to talk to him about it and he says just having me in the room or knowing I'm there is enough for him. I explained it wasn't for me and that I still needed the physical and verbal parts. I can't help but take it a bit personal and feel that maybe he isn't attracted to me anymore. There has also been some worry that he might have been seeing another woman that he works with who does not live in our town, I haven't seen any recent signs that this is still going on, but I still wonder if they are hooking up when he goes to "work related" trips.
I have this horrible fear of being alone at my age and trying to make it on my own. I still love him but am not sure what to do? I think about counseling, but I'm not sure he would go. Anyone else been through this and have suggestions? Thanks!

I recently left my husband of 16 years. You have to think if you are better with him or without him. Kids - are they always hiding in their bedrooms. Does the thought of him touching you turn you right off? You are more depressed than happy - hate to leave work - because you have to go home to him. You deserve to be happy - even if it means you have to be alone for a while.

I have been married 38 years. For the first time my husband and I skipped our anniversary. 14 years ago our daughter was killed by a drunk driver. After 6 years I decided to return to college and I am currently completing my masters program in counseling. My husband chose alcohol and at this point in time his life is in a total shambles and he is oblivious. I think I have given up and I am ready, but it is very scary to end a relationship after all these years. Starting over in your 50's, financially, emotionally, sexually, and alone can be very intimidating. At this point I am beginning to think about the process of letting go and moving on. When one partner is sabatoging the relationship, the other must think of their own survival. I am hoping for the best.