Maybe you asked for the divorce, maybe you didnt want it. Either way, its not easy to move on. Keep in mind that youre going through a grieving process even if the marriage was bad, youve lost your familiar life. Breaking up is usually a wounding experience, from which you need to heal. Here are some tips to help you come out on the other side:1. If you gave it your best shot, and you know it's over, don't waste time in resentment and anger, it's self-destructive. Let go. Do your grieving, cry, journal, and talk about alone, or with a trusted friend. Have a "letting go" ceremony with close friends, and say goodbye to your married life. Put reminders away for a while.2. Don't hesitate to get therapy to help you through this transition, so you can grieve what's gone (even if you're the one who left, you've lost your hopes and dreams for this marriage) and move your focus on to building a good life in your new circumstance. A professional viewpoint will help you move from past to present, and plan for the future.3. Take care of yourself financially -- a good lawyer can help you fight for your rights. You'll feel a lot less resentment if you get your fair share of the assets.4. This is an important time to have your friends or family around you, you need support. Don't isolate. You don't have to go right out and date again (go slow with that) but you should have a social life with friends and family. Even if you don't think you feel ready to see people, see your closest friends and spend time with them. They'll help you heal, and remind you that you still have people who love you. Spend a lot of time with people you trust.
5. Focus on building your life. This is a great time to try something other than a relationship -- take a class, start a new business or career, get a puppy. Give yourself plenty of time to heal before taking another chance on love. A rebound relationship is not likely to succeed, and ending it will start the pain all over again.
Of course, only you know how much you need to grieve, and these guidelines can help you move through the transition as smoothly as possible. If you feel stuck in your anger or grief, counseling is a very good idea.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D, aka "Dr. Romance" is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley;) Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage (Adams Media) and The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You're Far Apart (Adams Media.) She publishes "Happiness Tips from Tina", an e-mail newsletter, and the "Dr. Romance Blog" Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and such TV shows as "Oprah", "Larry King Live" and ABC news. Follow her on www.twitter.com/tinatessina.