How do you cope with personal holidays after a divorce? Friends and family may come to the rescue for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the worst Valentines Day. But who remembers your wedding anniversary other than you?
The first un-anniversary (our 33rd) after my separation I was still in shock. Even though I had discovered my husband was having an affair a few weeks before and he had moved out, I still thought he would send me an anniversary card and somehow things would get worked out.
The second un-anniversary, I was no longer delusional, but the date still had the power to cloud my day.
Officially divorced this year, I opted to replace my toxic nostalgia with something different that could become a tradition a girlfriend getaway.
I decided to visit my friend Margie in New York City. But this time instead of staying in the city and going to plays and museums, Margie rented a car and we drove up to the Hudson River Valley to witness the changing of the seasons a signal to me to shed my past. As a bonus, our destination was Buttermilk Falls Inn and Spa on the Hudson River in Milton, New York (http://buttermilkfallsinn.com).
It couldnt have been a more beautiful fall weekend for a road trip. The trees were ablaze and Margies driving had improved since the last time I rode shotgun with her (although to be fair it was in Ireland where she was driving on the opposite side of the road).
Buttermilk Falls Inn and Spa was better than either of us had hoped. More of a rambling estate (70 acres) than an inn, we had a 2-bedroom lodging in Riverknoll Downs on the ground floor of Riverknoll House, a contemporary 3-story right on the river. Other accommodations were in the historic Anning Smith House (10 cottage-themed rooms), three carriage houses, Ponys Pad (a 2-story cottage), and the North Cottage atop a cliff over the river.
We discovered the actual waterfall right away, following the sound of rushing water. Kicking up leaves, we fed the swans and fancy ducks, and followed a path to the chicken coop, where blue and brown eggs were waiting to be collected, and the aviary with peacocks whose feathers graced the vases in Riverknoll Downs. A little further along were llamas and Angora goats. Not much was blooming the first week of November, but we enjoyed the fruit orchard and kitchen and vegetable gardens. The landscaping and animals helped remind me I was living on the earth, which is more important than anything else I might be thinking on my un-anniversary day.Afternoon tea was being served in the dining room when we arrived cookies, muffins, and pumpkin pie. Afterwards I went to the spa for my Heavenly Body service. A contemporary building behind the carriage houses and up from the barn, the spa had a gigantic metal dome on it that turned out to be a funnel-like skylight that brightened the lobby. Margie opted to swim against the current in the endless pool and have a steam and sauna. I had an organic cane sugar exfoliation followed by a body massage with conditioning oils and a scalp massage with pure virgin coconut oil and steamed towels. It was similar, perhaps, to a re-birthing experience. I certainly felt shiny and new afterwards. The next day we crossed the river at the Walkway Over the Hudson (http://walkway.org), the worlds longest pedestrian bridge at 1.3 miles. Ive never run or walked a marathon, but it was thrilling looking down the broad pedestrian avenue of the bridge at crowds of people crossing from Highland to Poughkeepsie and back or vice-versa. There was a feeling of both freedom and unity in joining with humanity to bridge the enormous gap created by the stately Hudson River. It was all so aggressively symbolic of my new life no longer attached by marriage to one person that we laughed the whole way.
I almost forgot an interesting encounter at dinner at Buttermilk. But it was our tablemates who were fascinating, a young couple from New York. The wife was tadaaa divorce lawyer at a prominent firm. It was very appropriate, as I ate the fabulous apple pie dessert, to be listening to tales of endless litigation by people I did not know that did not involve ME. About the Author: Judy Kirkwood has decided her anniversary date now is important becauseit is at the time the leaves arechanging and she considers it a symbol of the continual transformation of purposeful living.
