When Divorce Is Better Than Sticking It Out

No child wants to see his or her parents split up, so the news that some divorce rates are falling initially appears good for kids.

But when you examine the reason behind the drop, the figures aren't so positive.

While the number of divorces after less than five years of marriage has decreased by more than a quarter since the early '90s, relationship experts believe this is linked to the fact that couples feel they can't afford to split up.

Instead, they're sticking together to save money (but at what cost to family life)?

Suzie Hayman, of the parenting helpline Parentline Plus, says, "All children want their parents to stay together, but without the fighting. We certainly hear from people who say they want to split up with their partner, but they can't afford it.

"But if a couple can't get over their bitterness, then divorce has to be better than staying together."

Suzie says the financial implications of a split may make a couple work harder to live together in harmony for everyone's sake.

But she warns that "the very worst option is if you stay together but are at war (that's no good for anyone)."

Christina Tait, founder of advice and support organization Divorce Aid, points out that a child's age makes a difference to how they are affected by warring parents.

"If there's...fighting, children of primary
school age don't have a clue. It's when they get more mature that they
notice these things.

"If parents can provide a united front, and parent in a loving way, then young children won't pick up on a split.

"But if there's fighting and the children are teenagers, it can
have an overwhelming effect on them (and the fighting can continue
after the divorce anyway)."

Christina advises couples to seek help, such as counseling, before deciding about the future of their marriage.

She says, "Divorce doesn't have to be expensive and isn't
necessarily a bad thing. There aren't any children who want their
parents to divorce, unless they see real abuse and unhappiness, and
then it can be a great relief."

Clinical psychologist Dr. Angharad Rudkin says parents should
think about how they are treating each other and the effect it has on
the kids.

"Research has shown that young people would rather their
parents were not living together than living together and arguing," she
says. "Living with parents who are in a loveless marriage is hard, but
then, so is living with parents who are divorced."

Angharad stresses that even children whose parents have been
divorced for a long time hope they'll get back together, so youngsters
whose parents live under the same roof will think there's even more
hope.

She warns, "If parents aren't arguing and get on OK as friends,
then staying together for financial reasons, or for the kids, might
work. But in so many cases, they're just not getting [along] OK and it
simply won't work."

Source: The Journal (UK). Powered by Yellowbrix.

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