You just got the news from a trusted source: Your ex has a newsignificant other, and the two of them are quite an "item" among yourcircle of friends.
It's understandable that, upon hearing this news, manyemotions would arise: sadness, bitterness and, of course, jealousy.After all, what right has your ex to find happiness with another personbefore you are able to accomplish that for yourself? And does his orher ability to be happy with someone else mean that your marriagefailed because you were a bad partner?
Everyone -- including your ex -- should have a second chanceat a successful relationship. Does that mean that this new partnershipwill be that opportunity for your ex? Not necessarily. If he or she hasnot yet addressed the issues that affected your marriage, these sameconcerns may stand in the way of any future happiness in a relationship.
As to whether their happiness reflects on your divorce,remember this: People form relationships for different reasons atdifferent times in their lives. The reasons you and your ex wereattracted to each other, the ways you thought through any initialconcerns, agreed to exclusivity in your relationship, formed anintimate bond, and later committed to marriage may be irrelevant to theneeds and desires you both have today. Whatever tore you apart may havetorn any relationship asunder. All you can do is try your best underthe circumstances given to you at the time. If you can say you didthat, then you shouldn't feel as if you failed yourself or therelationship.
Now it's time to put this new development into perspective:Does your ex's new relationship really affect you?Yes, but for the better. Here are fourreasons why:Reason No. 1: It allows for another kind of closure.Whether it's you or your ex who gets involved with someone else first,it doesn't really matter. What does matter, however, is that both ofyou recognize the reality: that there is no going back to what was,only moving forward to what will be.Reason No. 2: Your friends are your friendsregardless of what happens to your ex. Accepting your ex's newsituation does not mean that your friends are also rejecting you. Truefriends will immediately recognize your need for special support and bethere to provide it. They will also be fair in how they treat you both,which is why you love your friends in the first place.Reason No. 3: It frees you from any emotionalobligations you may have felt toward your ex. If you hesitated aboutgetting involved with someone because of any guilt you felt over thedivorce, you can now put that aside and move on to the next phase ofyour life.Reason No. 4: You can now focus on what you can doto make yourself emotionally prepared for your next relationship, asopposed to fixating on the issues leading to your breakup. You are nota victim. You are a strong, vital human being with a lot to offer theright person. Don't ever doubt that. Instead, look forward with theknowledge that everything you want is within your grasp, and that youhave all the support you need to go out and get it.John Gray has helped millions of men and womendevelop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Timesbestseller MenAre From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004).For insight into dating and relationships today, visit RelationshipAdvice from MarsVenus.com.
Source: Relationships & Love
