Financial matters is the biggest relationship issue that people fight over, both in marriage and divorce. But divorce can impact women differently, especially women who have been stay-at-home moms and have never worked or who've been out of the work force for awhile, and now are faced with the extra stress of finding a job and supporting themselves, said Melanie Hasty- Grant, managing principal and founding partner with Waterstone Private Wealth Management.
"Don't bury your head in the sand; try to become aware and don't let the emotions get in the way of making good strong financial decisions," Hasty-Grant said.
Don't emotionally give in just to get on with your life, said Tammy Blair, a chartered retirement planning counselor and vice president with Arvest Bank. Often, women have been through so much bad stuff that they will do whatever it takes to give in and get on with their lives, and then two years later they're kicking themselves because they made decisions at the heat of emotion.
The biggest mistake women make before the divorce is not participating in the financial household picture to begin with, Blair said. Just like brushing their teeth daily, women should make it a regular routine or ritual to know where they stand from a financial perspective.
Women don't always have a good grasp on the finances of divorce. They're thinking about how they're going to take care of the kids, coping with the emotional aspects, worrying about where they're going to live and making sure they have a roof over their head, Blair said."When you are in the eye of the storm, that is not the best time for you to be scrambling to try to catch up and figure out what your financial world is all about. You need to have good grasp on that before you're hit in the face with it," Blair said.She recommends that women build a strong adviser team with an attorney, certified public accountant and financial adviser, who can work together to help them negotiate the divorce.People completely forget that when they are married they may have two incomes supporting one household. With divorce, couples are shifting from one household to two, and therefore their standard of living may need to be adjusted, said Jane Mudgett, a financial adviser and financial planning specialist at Morgan Stanley Smith Barney."So that is the biggest reality check. You've got to be realistic," Mudgett said.Women need to have a good grasp of their net worth and make a list of what they own and owe. If a woman paid for special training or education for her spouse and has yet to receive the benefit of this expertise, she may be entitled to a portion of his future earnings, Mudgett said
Women with higher net worth have to go through the same process when considering divorce, but it can be more complicated and lengthier because they may have more investments and assets, Mudgett said. That's why it's important to get a CPA, financial adviser and attorney to help them.Sometimes women don't know where the checkbook is, or whether their name is on the mortgage. They need to know where all the financial records are and gather documentation. They need to know when the 401(k) statements are coming in and understand their assets and liabilities, said Felicia Collins Correia, chief executive officer of the YWCA Tulsa.The YWCA currently is developing a program and toolkit to address issues, including divorce, to help women become self-sufficient.Really educate yourself and don't assume anyone else but you has your best interest in mind, Collins Correia said.Women often avoid borrowing money to help them hire alawyer. They may not ask for money from their family or friends to get the best lawyer they can.If a woman knows that divorce is imminent, she should start interviewing lawyers and asking people she knows and trusts for recommendations. She needs to learn about the different types of divorce available, Collins Correia said.Said Arvest's Blair: "Knowledge is power. ... The more you know the better off you are."
