To add insult to her death, her husband, also contrary to her wishes, arranged a lavish funeral with a public viewing. Her five children, knowing she would have hated this, refused to attend the funeral, causing a potentially irreparable rift within the family.
Perhaps the saddest thing about all this is that this woman's wishes were known; she had voiced them many times. Unfortunately, she had never taken the time to put them in writing. No doubt she assumed that her family would honor her request. And though the majority of them wanted to do so, her husband had the final say. Presumably this was his way of honoring his wife; but it was not what she wanted.
When I heard this story, I spent some time thinking about how I want to die and what I want to happen to my remains when I do. I'm planning to live another 50 years, but just in case I don't (or even if I do!) I want people close to me to know my wishes.
So I sat down and wrote a letter to my health care manager, outlining as much as possible how I want my final care to be handled. I have sent copies of this letter to my family members and close friends, so that we're all on the same page on this issue. I plan to review this letter every year or so to make sure that it reflects my desires, which may possibly change as time goes on.
You may have entirely different wishes than mine, but whatever you want, I urge you to put them in writing and give copies to your family members. It may not simplify your life for the moment to take the time to do this, but it could make things a lot simpler for your heirs.
Elaine St. James is the author of Simplify Your Work Life (Hyperion, 2001).
Copyright 2001 Elaine St. James. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.
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Ten reasons why you need a will.
