Boomers and Adoption

Nationwide, about 120,000 children are waiting, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Add in the number of kids needing foster care -- adoptable kids plus those who are still legally tied to their biological parents -- and the nationwide number swells to 424,000 children in 2009, the last year data is available. The numbers do not include the approximately 25,000 domestic adoptions arranged each year through private agencies. Another 12,000 to 20,000 children each year are adopted from other countries by U.S. families, according to the U.S. State Department. What to expect Unlike international adoptions and domestic adoptions through a private agency, there is little or no cost to adopt a child through the state foster care system, said Teresa Ryan, a social worker for the state Department of Social and Health Services in Wenatchee. Court costs and attorney fees in most cases are reimbursed by the state. Ryan, who with her husband is also in the process of adopting two boys, ages 6 and 11, recruits foster parents and guides children and prospective parents through adoption. She said her office usually works with about 180 kids at any one time. Between 25 and 30 are adopted each year. Adults wanting to adopt a child must go through a series of orientations, interviews, background checks and a home study process. Once the study is completed, the prospective parents are registered with the Washington Adoption Resource Exchange. The exchange includes a list of all children in the state available for adoption.

"Most prospective parents come in wanting infants and toddlers," Ryan said. The biggest need for the state, however, is to find parents for school-age kids, 6 to 16. Ryan recommends foster care as a way new parents can get to know the children they plan to adopt once a match is found, or with another child who needs a temporary home while going through the system. "We try to prepare families to be realistic," she said. "All of the kids have issues of abuse and neglect. Some have health issues. Some witnessed abuse. They're going to have grief and loss issues no matter what." All kids need love Karen and Patrick Arnold know the problems intimately. The East Wenatchee couple have fostered about 80 kids over 28 years of marriage. They've adopted five children. All of them have had issues of some kind, said Karen, 55. Two have struggled with bipolar disorder, two had fetal alcohol syndrome. All but the youngest, now 10 and the only one still living at home, have had detachment problems. "We had never heard of reactive detachment disorder before," said Karen about the inability to form emotional bonds. It's usually caused by lack of nurturing at an early age. "We thought love would fix everything, but we couldn't fix those things. It's been a hard thing to deal with."

The Arnolds are steadfast supporters of the state foster care and adoption system. Karen recently returned from a Washington, D.C., conference to speak in behalf of the system. People need to know there are nearly half a million kids in this country who need help, she said. "Just because kids aren't perfect doesn't mean they don't need to be loved," she said. "They have been a blessing to us. I wouldn't have it any other way." For Kristina and Tom Mason, foster care and adoption has been a way to have the large family they've always wanted. In addition to four biological boys, they have an adopted daughter and three foster children, one of whom they are in the process of adopting. The kids range in age from 11 to 21. "It's a loving combination," said Kristina, 36, a Lincoln Elementary School teacher. But sometimes very loud. The whole family has had to learn coping skills to get along in a small house, she said. "Everybody needs a family," she said. "We wanted to show our kids and other kids who come over how to do this. In the long run, it's definitely building their character. We know we're making a difference."