Secrets for Marital Excitement |
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I want to make my spouse feel bad, too.
We applaud your honesty. Few of us manage to acknowledge the dark side of ourselves. (In fact, most of us invariably deny that we harbor evil thoughts and feelings.) If you can be this honest about yourself and your feelings, then you are less likely to act on them.
Inflicting our feelings on our mates and enjoying the hurt we cause them is what David Schnarch, Ph.D., calls "normal marital sadism," the put-downs or unkind acts that occasionally crop up in most marriages.
Your honesty may be more effective than the "make nice," repressed communications that dominate marriages based on consensus and compromise--in which the partners often ignore the unkind behaviors that prevail even between loving partners.
To keep your relationship vital and intimate, you and your spouse must maintain your honesty and express (in as neutral a manner as possible) the emotions and thoughts that need to be expressed. If you do this, you will be less likely to undermine the marriage with what psychologists call "acting out," or unconscious, negative behavior intended to hurt each other.
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My spouse no longer makes me feel good.
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