Secrets for Marital Excitement |
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I would resist this impulse if my marriage worked.
Then work on your marriage by starting with yourself. After all, it's more important to keep your marriage alive than it is to go on "blamestorming." Here's a practical way to start: Accept yourself.
According to psychotherapist and researcher Betty L. Polston, Ph.D., author of Loving Midlife Marriage, in midlife we need to fill our emotional coffers not by blaming our spouses or having an affair but by accepting the good and bad in ourselves. This includes exploring "ugly" parts that we have denied and buried. Yet, these ultimately must be accepted and integrated before we can become whole and happy in our marriages.
"Self-acceptance is reassuring and certainly powerful," Dr. Polston writes. "When you accept your whole self, 'the good' with 'the bad,' you are more apt to be in touch with your needs. You can recognize when you are giving too much or too little to your marriage. You sense when the situation is becoming imbalanced."
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I just need "a little something on the side."
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