Find Yourself in a Passionate Marriage: An Interview with Dr. David Schnarch |
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Why do once-passionate relationships grow cold? The answer, says Dr. David Schnarch in this exclusive ThirdAge interview, is to reknit your passion day-by-day.
Dr. Schnarch was interviewed by Mary Tudor.
ThirdAge: How is your approach to marital counseling different from traditional approaches now in vogue?
Schnarch: Our approach focuses on people's adult strengths rather than their childhood wounds because what's good and solid in us is what can change us--and our relationships. That's also the part of us that is truly capable of loving. We help people stop trying to get acceptance from their partner, and instead finally understand and accept themselves, because that's what makes it safe to love. We don't focus on communication skills per se because communication is no virtue if you can't stand the message or you can't stand truly being known. We focus on developing self-soothing and self-validation because these abilities let us speak and hear difficult truths.
We help couples develop themselves within their relationship rather than focus on compromise and negotiation, because compromise and negotiation sound great but they really kill sexual desire and passion.
ThirdAge: What do you mean by self-soothing and self-validation?
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