And Keep Your Eyes Open All The Way
Sounds like a great experience, doesn't it? Depends on how comfortable you are with intimacy, suggests psychologist and sex therapist Dr. David Schnarch--whether you can allow yourself to be "truly known" by your partner.
Very few couples actually manage to have their eyes open during orgasm, says Schnarch. Only about 30 percent of couples have sex with their eyes open, and among those, less than half are able to achieve orgasm while looking into each others' eyes. Most people have to tune out their partner in order to have an orgasm, says Schnarch.
But those who do manage to look into their partner's eyes at the moment of orgasm are electrified by the power of the connection they experience. If you want to try having an eyes-open orgasm, says Schnarch, be sure to let enough light into the room so that you can see each other, and remember that "seeing" each other doesn't mean looking at each others' bodies. It involves letting your partner look into your eyes--and into your soul.
If eyes-open orgasm sounds dizzying to you, first try "hugging 'til relaxed," another of Dr. Schnarch's "tools for connection." With this one, what you do with your mind is just as important as what you do with your body. Here's how you do it:
Move close to each other, stand on your own two feet, put your arms around your partner, and calm yourself way down. Stay in the hug long enough to deeply relax your body and your mind. (The average hug only lasts several seconds before one partner or the other breaks it off). Shift position as necessary to make yourself comfortable. Eventually you will reach a meaningful, quiet connection with your partner--while also maintaining your relationship with yourself. Pay attention to what you're thinking and feeling, especially who breaks off the hug and why. Dr. Schnarch suggests couples' physical style of hugging is a window into the dynamics of their emotional relationship.
Back to Find Yourself in a Passionate Marriage: An Interview with Dr. David Schnarch
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