Viagra: My Personal Moments

I didn't know what feeling I was waiting for. The press on Viagra was quite clear about it not producing erections on its own. Still, I kept checking my body for signs that something was going to happen. The feeling of intense expectation was not unfamiliar.

"It's like waiting for acid to come on," I remembered out loud to Helen. We laughed again. Another fifteen minutes went by.

"Anything?" Helen asked again.

"Not that I notice," I shrugged.

Somewhere I still thought it was all going to be a dud, and nothing in how my body felt suggested otherwise. After about 45 minutes we decided to go upstairs, get into bed, and see what happened. I still didn't feel anything dramatic going on in my body, although there was a vaguely heightened feeling down around my perineum. When we went into the bedroom I did notice that the light from the tensor lamp by the side of the bed was startlingly bright and very blue-white. I took that to be a good sign.

Experimentation

We got undressed and began to touch. "Just lie back and see what happens," Helen suggested. Sure enough, within a few seconds my penis was completely erect . I was delighted, and relieved that the drug was actually working for me.

That a full erection was happening without any mental participation from me was both exciting and disorienting. For the first time in my life I experienced the sense of separation from my penis that men so often talk about, the one that has people giving their penises their own names. I was quite turned on, but I also felt a little like a spectator watching from the sidelines. I can't say my sensation was heightened as compared to sex without the Viagra, although it was certainly pleasurable not to have to wonder whether my erection might come and go. My orgasm, if anything, was a little less intense than usual.

All in all, we were both delighted and started making all sorts of plans for future experimentation. Would I be able to get hard and be sexual again in a matter of minutes? (I wasn't.) What would happen if I only took 50 milligrams? (Same effect, only less pronounced.) Would there be any residual effects in the morning? (I was indeed more quickly responsive than usual, although not like the night before.)

Decisions

Over the weekend we had a lot of sex. One time I took a pill without telling Helen, which she didn't like, so we agreed that I wouldn't do that in the future. We also agreed that we had to avoid thinking of my taking a pill as meaning that we then were obliged to have sex lest we waste a precious eight bucks. Better to just include some "wasted" pills in the cost of living.

After a few days we realized that we were reaching for Viagra every time we wanted to be sexual, as if we couldn't have good sex without it. We began to mix in non-Viagra sex as well, and Helen remembered that in many ways she liked how we fit together better without the drug. We began integrating new possibilities with old pleasures and I realized that, bionic penis aside, it was still a lot of our old ways of being sexual that pleased me most deeply.

Other Episodes

Read Episode I and Episode III of Viagra: My Personal Moments.

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Read Episode I of Viagra: My Personal Moments.

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Copyright © 1998 David Steinberg