Viagra: My Personal Moments

On the other hand, Viagra certainly is going to up the ante with regard to everyone's expectations of themselves (if they're men) and of their partners (if their partners are men). If everyone can have quick, hard erections at the drop of a pill, why should anybody do anything else? It's reminiscent of the way women feel that they have to compete with breast implants. Indeed, since taking Viagra is so much easier than having surgery, the expectations are likely to be more pronounced. Will anyone with even the most slightly hesitant penis--age 25 as well as age 40--go without Viagra when all the other guys are enjoying its support? If Viagra becomes completely commonplace, not having fast, hard erections every time out will really become an embarrassment.

Forget the breast implant analogy for a moment. Think about orthodontia, hair dyes, face lifts, nose jobs, and other minor plastic surgery. If everyone can fit themselves to heightened standards of beauty and sexual performance, how will we feel about anyone who doesn't want to play that game? The question is not limited to physical and sexual characteristics. Think about Prozac. More and more we have the ability to remold ourselves, physically and emotionally, into the person everyone else wants us to be, or who we think they want us to be and therefore want to be ourselves.

Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, everyone can now (for a price) have blonde hair, firm breasts, straight teeth, perky noses, a continuously cheerful demeanor, and reliably hard cocks. We can, more and more, all be just the same! Do we even know how to tell the difference between who we want to be for ourselves and who we want to be because it brings praise and attention from the people around us?

Balance

Viagra enthusiasts are proclaiming the little blue pills as the answer to all erection-related sexual difficulties. Sex therapists are saying that erection issues are expressions of underlying relational dynamics, and are going to have to be dealt with emotionally rather than chemically. The truth, I suspect, is somewhere in between. No amount of Viagra is going to fix the anger, distancing, sexual phobias, and general lack of trust that take their toll on the sexual interactions of so many people. Yet Viagra can give people some new sexual possibilities that can in turn be used to build confidence and good feeling about themselves, and better sexual and emotional connections with their partners.

As with other sexual, relational, and emotional tools, some people will use this one wisely and improve the quality of their lives, while others will use it foolishly and be disappointed when nothing important changes. As for me, three months and forty or so pills into the New Age, I'm glad to have the opportunity to sort it all out for myself.

Other Episodes

Read Episodes I and II of Viagra: My Personal Moments.

Read other columns by David Steinberg at the Society for Human Sexuality Web site.

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Copyright © 1998 David Steinberg