How To Be Charming

Social scientists say there are four key traits that popular people tend to possess: listening skills, empathy, flexibility and generosity. The more of these you have, the more people are attracted to you, says Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion. Here are some easy ways to give your personality a boost, get even closer to your friends and your partner -- and increase your social circle.

Before you offer advice, ask if its wanted. It could be that your friend, mate or colleague, just needs an ear.

Create a good first impression. Make eye contact, try to remember names, ask questions. Research shows that within ten minutes of meeting someone, he or she forms an opinion about you, and these things can make it a good one.

Ask yourself How would I feel? Its the best way to practice empathy -- a crucial key to popularity.

Strengthen your conversational skills by chatting with people when youre in line at he market, post office or movies.

Suggest that your close friends introduce you to their friends.

Join groups that share your interests, such as a book, political, or community group.

Step back from friends difficulties once in a while. Listen, but remind yourself, I cant solve everyones problems.

Listen to your inner voice. If you feel stress from over-commitment, simply say no and trust that friends will still like you just the same. The best way to be available to others is to take care of yourself first.

About the author: Robin Westens latest book is Relationship Repair (Sterling)

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