Depression, anxiety; I just want to do good?

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Depression, anxiety; I just want to do good?
I am going through a pretty intense anxiety disorder/depression. I could go on with the symptoms for ever. I have been living in this painful, hellish state for some time, but it has gotten much worse lately. I am unable to experience life and reality. I am at the point at the moment where I see no purpose of doing anything, but I would never take my own life, take the easy way out. I am not one for doing things because they are easy, I am someone who wants to do things because they are right, and I see all of these people walking around, some of them content, happy, I must be missing something. I know there is good in this world, but I just cant quite find it. Somewhere along the line, something went wrong. I always feel that I am not good enough, that I do not have what it takes, the feeling of cant. Somewhere along the line I decided that something was wrong with me. For some reason I decided that I was defective, and this is how I live. I live feeling this defective person I am, always doubting myself, always analyzing things, my thoughts my actions, other people. I see all of these things that are wrong in the world as well. I just want to do good, I just want to fix them, help improve our world, but I can't, why cant I? At the very root of my being I want to do good, be good. I cant, why cant I? Something is holding me back, this feeling toward myself, this feeling of worthlessness. I am in what should be an easy, good life with the good friends family and environment I live in. They all have no idea what I am going through, I always hide it, put on my happy face. But no it cant be good, I see the flaws in everything, I watch or read the news, watch TV, hear people speak, I see wrong wrong wrong. I want to fix the flaws, fight the wrong. At the moment I barely feel that, I barely feel me at all, I just feel like nothing matters, everything is too difficult, I just want to lay here in my depressed, anxious mind and do absolutely nothing. But I must keep going, there is good in this world, I know that for a fact even if I cant focus on it and be satisfied with it; there is good in this world and it is worth fighting for. But what, what can I do, how do I get out of this hell? Anyway to anyone who bothered to actually read all of this, thank you for that itself. You know what I will list the symptoms: Unable to relax, think naturally Tension, soreness all over body High blood pressure probably Constant head pain, sometimes stabbing, sometimes just strange pressure Foggy, hazy vision, eyes unable to focus, camera flash effect light imprints all over Red, hot, irritated face I quit. Depersonalization Usually I would try to bring you into the light on your beliefs in god, but now I will respond with one simple thumbs down. I'm sorry Thomas but Im not sure if I believe you right now.
Answers
One Simple Question... Do you have God in your life? I find it ironic, someone so ill as yourself so unable to right their own ship and full of despair, suggesting to the very audience he prays to that he would enlighten us on our spirituality. In a sense it's laughable but I digress. Here is a bit of reality for you to study over as I am sure your lack of it is probably the main contributor to your illness. You are lost. You are floundering through life looking for hope and salvation in man or from someone's office couch. You are the who what how and why so many like you populate the earth. Your cowardice from truth is apparent but I do have one thing you should be thankful that you can take away from this plee, at least you're not alone. Good Luck.
Don't worry, we are entering a technological revolution that will end scarcity and covetousness on this planet. Shortly after that we will enter a spiritual revolution in which the meek shall inherit the earth and the arrogant and evil of planet Earth will be destroyed and punished. I've been studying humanity for a long time and I know the whole planet is on the verge of some righteous changes. It's too much for me to explain here but trust me things are changing for all humans.
I bothered to read your message in a bottle. Interesting. People are happier than you because they aren't overthinking their existence. They aren't examining and weighing the world and their own lives against an ideal. Be proud that you are a thinker, and stop the self-flagellation. If you accomplish one simple act of kindness you have made the world a better place, you don't need to reorder the planet or take on the world's evil on your shoulders like Atlas, or Jesus. Find something simple that gives your life meaning, and jump in. Are you perfect? No. No one is. We are all "defective," in your words, so what? And if you want to keep searching for meaning, read the philosophers and the religious texts. There's a few interesting bits here and there in those crusty old books. Otherwise, stop thinking so much and carve out a little happiness for yourself.
the best way is to accept that you arent bad that you arent nearly as bad as people say. you feel like your life is hell and everyone hates you (at least for me it does), but they dont. i feel like hell everyday because i always get the notion that all of my friends hate me and dont really like me. and this is after how much all of us hang out together everyday. my girl friends even told me how much they love me and how much all of us joke around with each other. but somehow, i always get the notion that they do hate me and just not like me. i have proof that people really like me. you wont believe that people like you the way you are, but you have to accept it.


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