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Dealing With a Parent's Depression

Lea Jamieson* has been vice president of multiple national mental health organizations. She can converse comfortably with drug companies about the different types of medications for depression. You might think she would be one of the first people to be alerted to signs of depression, especially in her own mother. But she overlooked her mother's symptoms and, she says, downplayed their seriousness.

Jamieson knew that her mother had seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and was taking an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer.

"She usually went off her medications in the spring because the sun came out more, and she was outside more, and she could get along just fine," Jamieson says. "She just needed a boost in the winter."

In the spring of 2003, however, her mother -- who lived about three hours away by car in an independent living community -- only got more depressed.

"I had gotten divorced the previous year and was looking for a new job," Jamieson said. "I was not paying as much attention as I probably should have been. I went to visit her for Easter and she was staying with a friend because she was so depressed ... but then she seemed to rebound."

At the beginning of May, her mother told Jamieson's younger sister she had written a suicide note and that she and Jamieson were not to blame themselves.

"She said she was saving up pills and was going to take pills," said Jamieson.

Her sister flew down the next day and took her mother to a world-class teaching hospital, where the real challenge began.

"It took every bit of our energy and brainpower to get my mother appropriate treatment, to get people to recognize that this was not the person she normally is," said Jamieson.

Her experience is not unusual.

"Particularly with older people, we presume the manifestations of mental illness -- depression, sadness, slowness, reduced thinking capacity, weight gain or loss -- are just part of aging," she said.

Her mother's turnaround didn't happen right away. Doctors tried a variety of medications and combinations of medications.

"We were dealing with doctors all over the place, trying to get the medication right ... it went on endlessly," Jamieson said. "She'd refused lithium before, but she finally asked for it, and from then on it's been remarkable. She's back to her old self, doing well. I talk to her every day and I can tell by her voice."

The lesson, says Jamieson, is a shift in perspective. "You have to look at it as if you're helping someone return from any other really serious illness," she says. "It's like helping someone through cancer treatment.

"Depression has to be looked at as a persistent circumstance," she says. "You have to stick with it and be willing to face what it takes and really educate yourself. There is a very big caregiver challenge, but there's a big payoff."

*Not her real name

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