"We are the generation which is not accustomed to the use of condoms. For us, in the beginning, if we avoided pregnancy, we were home free. Now we are dealing with crashing divorce rates, multiple partners over a lifetime and a whole host of STDs besides AIDS. It has gotten pretty scary out there."
(Belivns, TA discussions)
For divorced and widowed ThirdAgers who are re-entering the dating scene after decades of marriage, the situation does look a little scary. But, with more than 65 million people in the U.S. today living with an incurable sexually transmitted disease, you'd be a fool to think you aren't at risk.
Nothing short of abstinence will guarantee "safe" sex, but you can adopt safer practices that will protect you and your partner. Bring your assumptions and practices up to date with these tips:
Communicate:
Establish open and honest communication about sex right from the start. This can not only protect your sexual health, but contribute to a more satisfying relationship. Throw out old ideas that it isn't appropriate to talk about sex. Speak openly, honestly and without fear, and your partner will respect you for protecting yourself.
When getting started in a new sexual relationship, ask your partner the following questions:
How many sexual partners have you had?
Have you consistently practiced safe sex in the past?
How long since your last sexual encounter?
Do you know if you have any STDs?
Of course you can be open without being explicit -- the essentials are important, not the details. Understanding your partner's past is not only important for determining your risk factor, but can be a good opportunity to discuss any fears or concerns you might have about engaging in a new sexual relationship. Keep in mind that no one is completely safe, and that communication is not a substitute for safe sex, but a building block to it.
Get Tested:
It is essential that both you and your partner get tested for sexually transmitted diseases, including the HIV virus. Even if you plan on always using condoms, many STDs are transmitted through close sexual contact, and not just intercourse.
Do not make the mistake of thinking that you (or your partner) would know it if you were infected. "The sad truth about all STD's is that we all think we can tell just by looking at a person if they are the 'type' of person who has an STD. It doesn't matter if we are 15 or 65, we think we know, but we don't," says sexoldlady in TA discussions.
It is possible for people to have an STD, like gonorrhea or genital warts, and never develop symptoms, but still transmit the disease to others. Some STDs, such as syphilis and the HIV virus (AIDS), might not be symptomatic for many, many years.
Call your doctor to schedule an appointment for testing, and to discuss any questions you might have. While your doctor can order any tests you need, some people prefer to get tested anonymously for the HIV virus. You can find a testing site near you. Many clinics offer reduced or free services. A home HIV test usually gives results within three days, but note that home tests are not cheap ($30-$60) and are not for everyone.
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Disclaimer: This material is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for a physician's consultation. It is provided with the understanding that neither ThirdAge Inc., nor its contributors are engaged in rendering medical advice or services. You should promptly consult your own physician regarding your specific symptoms or medical condition. ThirdAge Inc., Legal Disclaimer
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