Three quarters of all the money in the free world was personified before our very eyes yesterday when Martha Stewart visited the Oprah show. Id like to note that usually Im against daytime television watching but when I heard The Domestic Queen and The Queen of Queens were going to be yucking it up like two ex-sorority girls, I made an exception. And boy was it worth itby the time the hour was up, I had crafted 20 paper dolls, organized my linen closet and baked an apple tort. (I wish. I dont even have a linen closet.) In case you missed the epic event, heres a highlights reel of what Martha and Lady O dished about.
First off, Oprah admits that she and her entire staff were nervous for the arrival of Ms. Stewart (as they should be). In order to prepare, they dressed up her greenroom with crisp white linens, fresh cut flowers and real silverware. Then, before Martha came out, Oprah showed a clip of the two of them together on her show in 2001. (You should know, Martha doesnt look much different. She probably uses organic beeswax extracted from a hive in her garden on her face or something.)
After Martha made her entrance, she remained calm, cool and collected when Oprah dropped questions about her time in the slammer. Did you get my letters? Oprah asked. I did. Thank you, Martha responded as if talking about a cocktail party invite. There was a faint, but audible, collective sigh from the audience at the thought of the two juggernauts having a pen-pal relationship.
Martha told Oprah how she read and thought a lot when she was locked up, and wants everyone to know that she was never humiliated by the ordeal, just hurt.She also noted that she realized it is possible to live without her favorite lemons (I beg to differ.) or any luxury whatsoever.We all have an inner strength that you do not know until you are tested, she said of the 5 months she spent in jail. I kept my head up, spirit high and moved on. When Oprah asked her if cleanliness was important to her (Way to go, Lois Lane), Martha responded, Definitely. She added that she was always the first one in the shower each morning and she even cleaned it as well. The audience erupted with laughter when she said of the prison: That place was sparkling when I left.Then it was on to fun stuff.Martha showed everyone how to do a grown-up grilled cheese bar. Swoon. She set up a station with all the fixins: pears, apples, sage, basil, cilantro, preserves, jalapenos, tomatoes, avocados, bacon, prosciutto, and of course good quality cheeses that melt (gruyere, cheddar, fontina).She told Oprah: Ill make yours you make mine.To which O replied, Oh, Im not making your sandwichThen, they both laughed and got a lot richer.Martha made a gorgeous-looking grilled cheese. (Note: Put your sandwich in a pan not a pressits not a panini!) Then she followed with an even more gorgeous-looking Bloody Mary. (Note: Try yellow tomato juicefreshly crushedand flavor your vodka with yummy things like cucumber.)
Next it was off to Marthas house in Maine, Skylands. Its, in a word, amazing. She has a wall of old, wood refrigerators, a flower room and a guest book where people like Donna Karan and Barbra Streisand have left messages. That one youre just gonna have to see for yourself. The dnouement of the show was Martha doing what she does best: crafting. She advertised her line of tools, made Oprah a sign and then everyone in the audience got baskets full of her craft supplies and a $25 gift card to Michaels. Heaven. After the show ended, I spent forty-five minutes googling croque monsieur and debated whether or not to get the ingredients for it on such a cold, damp day. I decided against it. Instead, my husband and I had Trader Joes ready-made chicken burgers with potatoes and salad (out of a bag, not a garden). And that, my friends, is what makes Martha, Martha and me, me. Nicole Fabian is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York. She is the assistant editor of ThirdAge.com
