Suddenly, there are new faces at the table. Psychologist William Doherty, Ph.D., says, "The most successful families use existing rituals from both sides of the family and institute their own new rituals." Just think how liberating it could be to have the new in-laws bring a spicy alternative to Aunt Minnie's bland carrot casserole.
Doherty's book, The Intentional Family (Morrow,William & Co), devotes an entire chapter to Thanksgiving rituals designed to strengthen family ties. For instance, Doherty, a practicing therapist and director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota, suggests engaging new family members by "investigating new activities before and after the meal." Break out the "Star Wars" tapes and recollect the first time you saw the trilogy, and create new memories for younger family members.
Sometimes the adjustment is to the absence of familiar faces. If loved ones are not around during the holiday, the best therapy is to keep them alive by including their memory in new traditions. When writer Garrison Keillor's aunt died, Doherty says Keillor made sure to serve Thanksgiving dinner on her dining room table.
If the kids have all moved away and you're stuck by yourself on Thanksgiving, you can still create a traditional holiday. Doherty suggests that you "celebrate new rituals with friends or members of a religious community."
However you decide to celebrate Thanksgiving, don't do the dirty work by yourself. Doherty stresses that one person laboring alone to get everything done violates one of the best community rituals -- maximum participation.
- - - - -
