When Your Husband Hates Holidays

QUESTION: I've been married for almost 19 years, and my husband has never been a big "gift-giver." As much as I try to overlook this, it still hurts me when holidays (Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc.) come rolling around and I get nothing (even though I always get him something!). I usually don't even get a card.

I know that he loves me more than anything, and he is generous in many other ways. But it's hard on holidays, especially when friends and family ask what I got and I have to say, "Nothing."

I've talked to him about this and he seems to be trying, but at the same time he feels he is expected to do something that isn't "him" just because society says he should. He would rather do things for me on non-important days throughout the year, thinking it means more that way. I have to agree, but I'm still faced with my dilemma. I guess we need to come to a compromise somehow. How do we do that?

ANSWER: It is very difficult to have no feelings about holidays celebrated in our culture, even if you understand that the holiday is being commercialized. So, expect yourself and your husband to be affected. In fact, he is affected -- and reacts with resistance -- while you are affected and react by wanting to participate in the festivities.

Try to express something like this to your husband: "I don't want [name of holiday] to be a big deal. I would rather celebrate our relationship on another, more meaningful day for us. But, I know I will feel bad if we don't celebrate, because everyone else is celebrating. How about we do a low-key celebration? Here is what I would like: _____ [tell him exactly what you want]." Then ask him what he would like from the celebration and as a gift. Then talk to him about the fact that fulfilling this obligation of sorts will make you very happy, and a very happy wife often makes her husband very happy. Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships. For more information about Coach Rinatta Paries and the myriad of services she has created for singles, visit her Web site, WhatItTakes.com.
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Source: Relationships & Love

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