Share a Joke II

O1)What Kind of ant is good at adding up?
Ans)An accountant.

Tech Support for Marriage
Dear Tech Support:

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and it installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but it's not working.

Any Advice?

Tech. Rep. : - Try downloading and installing Extra Marital Affair 9.0

If that doesn't fix the problem, . . Uninstall ALL CURRENT

PROGRAMS and replace with the

NEW WINDOWS v. DIVORCED BLISS. and run the

latest "Younger Boyfriend" program exclusively

( Upgrade as ANY new version becomes available )

GOOD LUCK !!!

From Third Age today:

"All Humor Free Classes"

(i know - don't shoot the messenger - just play with it a couple times)

Bob is walking down the street when he spots an old friend, Ray, whom he hasn't seen in ages.

"I'm doing great now" says Ray. "I just got this new hearing aid and it's fantastic. The sound is so clear, even in noisy places like restaurants. It's made a world of difference."

"Is that so?" responds Bob. "What kind is it?"

Ray looks at his watch, then replies "About ten minutes to 2."

After being married for 30 years, I took a careful look at
my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 30 years ago we had a
cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and
watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now I have a
$500,000 house, $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen
TV, but I'm sleeping with a 55-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that
I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a
cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch
black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve
your mid-life crisis.

After being married for 30 years, I took a careful look at
my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 30 years ago we had a
cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and
watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep
every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now I have a
$500,000 house, $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen
TV, but I'm sleeping with a 55-year-old woman. It seems
to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out
and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that
I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a
cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch
black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve
your mid-life crisis.

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries. ' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.'

I hit send once and got two or three identicle posts on here.

I'm sorry you find these jokes offensive but lots of people like them.

Pearl if you are talking about those so-called jokes by Razamina I think he is an idiot who doesn't understand the concept of a joke.

I'm sorry you find these jokes offensive but lots of people like them.

I'm sorry you find these jokes offensive but lots of people like them.

I haven't been here for quite a while to read and share jokes.

Imagine my surprise when I returned to find a deluge of dirty tacky low grade so-called humour which is neither funny nor appropriate.

What happened to the genuinely funny and clean jokes I used to enjoy reading?

How To Install A Home Security System In The South
1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba,
Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
"Cooter"
________________________________

Gaston & Pierre were close friends all their lives. One day Gaston announced that he was going to marry, and of course Pierre would be best man. Anyone from Louisiana knows that a Cajun wedding usually takes place early on a Sat. morning then every one goes to a lavish reception that usually lasts till Sunday night - lots of music and plenty of booze!
On Sunday morning Gaston climbed the stairs to the bedroom where he saw his new bride making passionate love with his best man.
He started laughing so loud that other guests gathered at the bottom of the stairs and one said, "Gaston, what is so funny???".
He replied to the crowd, "THAT PIERRE, HE BE SO DRUNK HE THINKS HE IS ME!!"

Dr. John asked the patient. "What seems to be the problem Sam?" Sam replied in a squeeky, Micky Mouse voice. "Well Doc, it's my voice. It's been high and squeeky since I was about 13 years old." Sam was a large man, 6'2" 250 pounds of muscle and should have had a much deeper, more manly voice. Dr. John said "Ok, go behind the screen, get undressed and I'll see what I can find out." Sam did, and when he started back to the exam table he stumbled over his pecker and almost fell. It was dragging on the floor behind him. Dr. John said "I see your problem. That things too heavy, it's dragging on your vocal cords." Sam said "Is there anything you could do for it". Dr. John said "Yes, there is a surgery that will help. What I can do is cut it off about four inches from the head and four inches from the boday - cut out about four feet of it and graft the head piece onto the body piece. You'll still have about eight inches, your voice will get back to normal and all will be well." Ok Sam agreed. The surgery went well and he recovered in record time. He came back for a post op checkup. He told the doctor in his new, deep, resonant voice. "Doc, things are great. My voice is what it should be, may wife is happy and I no longer trip every time I get naked. I do have one question though. My wife wants that section of prick you cut out. She wants to pickle it and put it in a five gallon jar. I think she intends to put it on the mantle for sort of a conversation piece when she has some of the girls over. Do you still have that. Dr. John said in a squeeky Micky Mouse voice "Ohhh, it ought to be hanging around here somewhere.

After a lapse of a few years I met an elderly friend and asked him how he was doing.
He said"I am 89 yrs old and hv married for the 4th time to a 50 yrs old divorcee and she wants Sex every two weeks and I cant do it any more.But she comes on heat and wants sex so after dinner she gives me a VIAGRA and takes me to bed and we both remove our clothes and we start petting until the Viagra starts working after half an hour and I start getting a hard on so she immediately mounts me and and takes mine inside her and starts going up and down for about 10 minits and then she groans and has a deep orgasm but thank God my penis holds on. So she starts working on me and for the next 10 minits she gives me a hand job and then a blow job and with all her efforts finally I get a mild orgasm and a couple of drops of semem comes out but immediately there is a shooting pain in my buttocks and it lasts for a minit and then goes away.
I phoned my doctor and he said it is the pain from my over worked prostate because at yr age of 89 the prostate has almost stopped working and when u force it with Viagra, it ultimately cries out.But dont stop yr wife from sex,carry on,u will not die nor yr prostate will die, bear the pain and let yr wife hv the pleasure of sex. She is till young at 50.He then tells me that Prostate is the backbone of sex in males. You shud thank heavens that u hv not developed Cancer of the Prostate.

1. It doesn't cost anything.
2. You can do it every 30 minutes all day long.
3. It doesn't make your feet hurt.
4. There aren't a lot of decisions to make.
5. It makes you feel good every tine you do it.
6. It's not fattening like eating at the mall is.
7. If not fully satisfied you can try again in 30 minutes.
8. You don't have to get dressed up.
9. You don't have to get out of the house.
10. It can help both parties loose weight by burning calories.

It happened in London-England's Regent Park. A tiny sports car can come very useful in a midnight lovers spot.
Wedged into a two seater,a naked man fuc.ing a naked woman was suddenly immobilized by a stroke, trapping his woman beneath him.
THe desparate woman tried to summon help by honking the horn with her foot.A doctor,an ambulance,firemen and a group of passers by
quietly surrounded the couples car in Regents Park.
THe firemen had to cut thru the frame of the car before the lady who was trapped beneath her 200 pounds immobilized boy friend, was helped out of the car into a coat covering her naked body sobbed bitterly "HOW AM I GOING TO EXPLAIN TO MY HUSBAND WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS SPORTS CAR?"

An attractive woman loved growing tomatoes but they never turned red.
She went to her neighbour's garden and saw the gentelman standing there and told him her problem. He told her"that twice a day I stand before my tomatoe garden and expose myself and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much"
The woman was so inspired that she told him that she wud try the same thing so she started exposing herself twice a day
in front of her tomatoe garden for 2 weeks. One day the gentleman was passing by and saw her standing in her garden so he asked her"BY the way how did u make out? Did your tomatoes grow red?"
"No-she replied, but my Cucumbers have grown to be enormous"
THe gentleman was so taken back that he put both his hands on his face and walked away without uttering a word

Children writing about the ocean:

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight
     testicles.(Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island .
     If you don't have ocean all round you, you are
     incontinent. ( Wayne , age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth,
     just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend
     any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top
     of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes
            back with crabs.(Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade     winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind     didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make     the wind come. My brother said they would have been better     off eating beans.(William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I
like their
            shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?     Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother
     is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister
has just got
            pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.
      Electric eels ca! n
  give you a shock. They have to live
              in caves under the sea where I think they have to       plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold,
      and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.
      Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down
      on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when
      she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again
      because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14)-The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I
don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15)-My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being
  a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

In Olden days in INdia boys and girls never saw each other before the wedding night. After the ceremoneies and all the guests were gone, the girl was brought to the room and made to seat on the bed with he wedding dress and all the jewellery and after some time the groom entered the room and started talking to her and removing her jewellery and her clothes and gave her a wedding present.When she was just left with a panty and bras the groom left for the bathroom and returned naked and joined the girl on the bed. She then removed her bras and panty and started petting her until she was
able to talk to her.
Then he wud make the girl play with his dick until it was fully erect and hard.He wud then lubricate his dick and then ask the girl to fully lubricate her vagina and when this was done he wud
lie on his back and ask the girl to come on top of him.
THe girl wud then hold the penis and put it on the opening of her vagina and start pushing until it was in upto her hymen then the couple wud hold each other and give the final push which pushed the dick into her vagina and she wud cry a little as it wud pain her when the hymen broke and then there wud be a tickle of blood coming out of her due to the break of her hymen and that wud be considered consumation of marraige.

But the girl wud be in big trouble if there was no resistanc on the penetration and there was no trickle of blood on the sheet.THis wud be considered as she was not a VIRGIN. THe groom wud immidiately leave the room and go and tell the family members that she was not a virgin and hence she was not pure.
Next morning when the girls family came to take the girl home for the day they wud first inspect the sheet and if there was no blood on it they knew there wud be trouble. They wud then take the girl home quietly and wait for the message from the boys family.
Invariably there wud come a messenger witha long letter signed by the groom that she was divorcing her as she was not a virgin and it wud ne accepted by the girls
parents as a final divorce.THe girls life then wud be misserable as she wud spend the rest of her life until some aged widower wud offer to marry her and she wud then be married of without any pomp.The boy afcourse wud arrange to get married soon to a virgin girl.THere was no question asked if the boy was a pure,not having ever visited a woman before the wedding. It was a man's world and still it is, as even today in the 21st century such weddings take place and the girl is sent back home if she is found not to be a virgin and divored forthwith.

            
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.
            The local paper read:
      PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
      
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to getrid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
            
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
    
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
            
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
            
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
            
The bishop was buried the next day.
            
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!

Do you actually understand English and jokes???

A friend of mine was in Amsterdam and decided to visit one of the many brothels in Amsterdam. He saw good looking young woman standing at her door so he smiled and went in. The woman closed the door behind her. He told her he wanted a
blow job so she asked for
US$ 5/ in advance which he paid and took out his pants.
He had a hard on erection so he asked her to start sucking. She brought out a Condom and tried to put it on him.He pushed her away and said whoever had a blow job with a condom on. No way I am going to have it with a condom. She said No Sir,not without a condom. They started arguing and in the meantime the man lost his erection and he was in no mood to hv a blow job,so he asked for his money back.The woman said there is no refund in this place. Get out or I shall throw u out.
The man had no option but to walk away minus 5 dollars.

A young and virile Afghani goes into a brothel in Amsterdam and asks the girl how much and she says $100/-
He then agrees but says he will do it Afghani style so she tells him "NO WAY".
Finally the Afghani offers her $500/ so she thought,"I hv been in thIS bizess for the last 10 yrs and hv met many people like him boasting of their prowess so what this man can do to me,
So she agreed to"
THe man undressed and when she looked at his long,thick and hard penis, she thought this will be over in a few
minits.
THe man started doing it in every kind of way and in every possible position and surprisingly she started enjoying as never before.
Finally after several intense
hours they finished.
Exhausted, the hooker turned to him and said "THAT WAS FANATASTIC,I HV NEVER ENJOYED IT SO MUCH AS I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING PERVERTED AND DISGUSTING AND ASKED WHERE DOES THE AFGHANI
STYLE COME IN?
THe Afghani guy replied:
"I SHALL PAY YOU NEXT WEEK
AND WALKED AWAY"

Daisy,Daisy,show me yr grassy land. I hv gone crazy my cock is on the stand, it wont be a stylish f---ing as my cock can stand no joking,
but you'll enjoy when it goes inside that u will always ask for it

I love your web site, I think it's really great. I tried to sign your guest book but but webtv is too limited, I couldn't get it to work so I tried to send you an email to show you my web page but when the link came up for the authorized user application guess what - it doesn't work for webtv either LOL. If you want to see my web site goto http://community.webtv.net/Knight-of-War/KNIGHTSDOMAIN I'd like to hear what you think of it, there is a link in it for my email.

On another note, I think the responses to your post about the blonde jokes were rude. No need in that. If they disagree there are lots more respectful ways to do it. I'll probably hear some less than nice responses from those posters but I really don't care. Matters not to me what rude and disrespectful people say about me.

About 25 years ago while I with my first X wife to one of her family's reunions. It was on Lake Sam Rayburn here in East Texas. I didn't know most of her kin and sorta stood back from most of the festivities and mingling. They are a beigerant bunch and I don't like all the argueing and fighting when more than two of them get together. I wandered down the bank until I came to a big hickory growing at the edge of the water. It had a long limb sticking out over the water and on the very end, no more than an inch from the water was the last nut of the season. I sat looking out over the water for a while wataching the boats and fishermen, bout half dozing. I sat quiet and still enough that after a while a squirril came out and started out on that limb toward that nut. When he moved out onto the limb his weight caused it to dip down until the nut was under water. When he came back the limb sprang back up with the nut. Bout drove that pore old squirril crazy. Finally in an act of desperation he ran out on the limb, took a flying leap and snatched that nut while he was in mid air. He took it with him into the water and was swimming back toward the bank with it in his mouth when the biggest catfish I'd ever seen came up and swallowed him whole, just sucked him right down. I couldn't believe it and I wouldn't have if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. That wasn't the amazing part though. What was really amazing was when that fish came back up and put that hicory nut back on the end of that limb.

A father from India sent his son to London for higher studies with enough money to last for a year.
Within a short time the son wired to his father:

NO MON, NO FUN, YR SON

The father was very angry that his son had squandered away all the money and wanted more so he wired back:

TOO SAD, TOO BAD, YOUR DAD

A husband and wife in their 50s were walking along the Broadway in NYC in the evening, when the wife suddely said to ther husband to wait as she wanted to buy something from the store.
Whilst the husband was waiting he saw a gorgeous blond standing on the corner so he went up to her and asked how much?
She said 100 bucks; the husband took out a $20 bill from his pocket and offered
it to her but she just walked away.
Later in the evening the blond saw the man with his wife, so she walked upto to the man and pointing to his wife. said, "This is what u get for twnety bucks.

A woman went to a Psychiatrist who asked her what was the problem.
She said"Well; I uh -stammered and said I think,
I might be a nymphomaniac"
I see"He said,I can help u but I must advise u that my fee is $80/ an hour". "Thats not bad,she replied but how much for an all night session"

Two boys were playing baseball in their back yard and one of the boys hit the ball which broke the window glass of their neighbour.
As the boy leaned down to pick up the ball,he heard
Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr.Gorsky."Sex; you want sex?
you will get sex when this next door kid will walk on the moon"
THe next door kid turned out to be Neil Armstrong,the man who first walked on the moon on JUly 20,1969.

Man and the woman got into their room on the wedding night. Woman went into the bathroom and came out in a
neglige and found her man kneeling beside the bed praying hard. The woman asked "what are u praying for?"
THe man said "I am am praying to God to show me how to do it". THe woman said "Dont worry,I'll take care of that,
just pray for endurance"

A lady teacher asked her pupils what kind of medicine they know and what are they used for.
THe first pupil said TYLENOL and it is used for headache.
The second pupil said NYTOL and it helps you to sleep.
THe third pupil said VIAGRA
and I think it is used for
DIARHIA.
THe teacher asked "who told you this?"THe boy said "No Body but every evening my mother tells my father"Take a
VIAGRA, may be that little shit will get harder"

A woman said " Sleeping with men is just like a soap
Opera; just when it starts getting intereting for a woman,they hv finished until next time"

An old retired sailor had a sexual urge so once more for old times sake puts on his unform and goes to the docks.
He engages a prostitute who takes him to his room.
He asks the woman 'HOW AM I DOING?'
She replies"Well, the old timer, u are doing 3 knots,you are k(not) hard, and u are k(not)in, and u are k(not)getting yr money back"
(Knot is the word used to denote the speed of the ship)

This is a story of southern Italy where older people are still very conservative.

A 16 yrs old girl was going out on a first date with a 16 yrs old boy.

Grandma called the girl and said listen to me:

"These southern Italian boys are all very aggressive and will try to take advantage of u so pls be careful. He will first hold yr hand, and then he will fondle yr breasts and then he will kiss u and then will go down and touch u there. He will then come on top of u and will disgrace your family name so be careful".

When the girl returned home, the grandma was waiting for her and immediately asked her how did the things go?

THe girl said:"As u told me he went on and finally when he tried to come on top of me, I turned him off and got on top of him and disgraced his family name"

Swimming pool is just like a woman, expensive to maintain and u hardly go inside once or may be twice a week

Afriend of mine in his mid 50s was in Vancover BC Canada; at about 8pm he went to the hotel bar and orderred a drink stting on the stool. A few stools away he saw a young good looking girl, so he smiled to her and she smiled back so he offered her a drink. She came and sat next to him. During the talk he found out that she was a hooker and rented the room from 8 to 12 midnight in the hotel. She told her that she wud take $100 and gave her the room number aand walked away. After some time he went to the room and knocked.
She opend the door and made him sit on a sofa.He started smooching her and a little later she started to undress and took him to the bed.He also undresed with a strong errection but when he saw her anked he was amazed that she was flat chested and had worn a falsy. His erection went down. She came to him and started stroking with no effect.So he asked her to suck him which she agreed if he put on a condom which he refused. he started dressing up to leave.
She begged him that he must pay her the $100/ as she had a 1 year old baby at home and for whom she had to buy the milk and also had to pay $50/ for the room. She started crying and caught hold of his knees.THe man was
humiliated not being able to hv any action and still being made to pay,but her sobbing was so pathetic that he took out $100/ and put it on the table and walked away with tears in his eyes.

It happened about 50 yrs ago.
a 14 yrs old boy was down with flue so the father called in the doctor who came and examined the boy and asked the boy to take his pants off as he wanted to check if had hernia.

When the boy stood in front of the doctor,he was amazed that the boy had almost an 8 inch long penis; so after giving him some medicine from his bag, the doctor came out and told the father"Congratulations" I hv never seen such a big 8 inch penis in a 14 yrs old boy.They both started laughuing and the mother was so embarrassed that she ran away from the room

Tracy an american woman in her eary 30s was at home as she had a 3 yrs old son to look after whilst husband went to work. Jsst at noon, she bathed her son and gave him the lunch and later tok him in his lap to wtch an afternoon soap. Suddenly the boy said he wanted to piss so Tracy took his shorts off and saw that his little dilly was up, so she touched it and found that his litlle dilly was so hard that he cud punch a hole in the gin house roof.