When you get the devastating news that your spouse has had an affair, how do you decide whether to stay or go? Because you feel betrayed, your first impulse is usually anger, and wanting to leave fight or flight. But, after you calm down, you realize theres a lot youll lose, and you may have children to consider. Dont make an instant decision you may regret later, after the damage is done. Its possible to find an extraordinary love after divorcing late in life, but most of my clients report the potential partners out there are no better than the ones they left.
While I don't think you should stay and suffer if nothings working, in my practice I see many couples who do the work and wind up happier than before. The affair may have happened after long-standing problems in the marriage, which can actually be corrected to the satisfaction of both partners. Often dissatisfaction grows from resentment, and the root causes can be fixed with the help of counseling. If both partners are willing to change whats not working, a marriage can be improved can be turned into a satisfying life of enjoyable companionship.
I also see a fair number of couples who get back together after a divorce, because they had a chance to see what its like to be alone, and to calm down and get over petty resentments. Unfortunately, now theyre a lot poorer because of the costs of the divorce, dividing up property, and so on. Here are some reasons to stay or go:
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