Infidelity and rebuilding Trust

Infidelity and rebuilding Trust

We have been married for 30 years,we spent 25 of those years working together side by side in a family business,at least 10 of those years have been sexually frustrating for me due to the fact he seemed to have a very low libido and frequently would ejaculate prematurely and then not show any interest in fulfilling me.

I had decided to take a job somewhere else and after 1 year he hired a woman who had a very dramatic life abusive relationships,alcohol and Iv drug use, multiple sex partners,abandoning a child,and history of pursuing married men.

He became sexually involved with this young woman,30 years old,he is 53, we have a daughter 28.I was suspicious of the relationship and asked him to fire the woman.he refused and became very defensive,

He confessed he had been with her May, he had not used protection, declared he did not love her and was sorry for how he had hurt me.I trusted him again we had a sexual relationship again.

3 months later he started to talk to her on the phone he did not tell me and I suspected there was something going on and he denied any wrong doing

November she came back to town and he had sex with her again which he denied till 3 weeks ago when I discovered the STD testing I wanted him to have done 6 months after the first affair came back positive for chlamydia He lied to me several times when I confronted him over the past 2 months if he had sex with her again.

We have been treated for the STD He had declared he loves me after I asked him to leave and we started counseling.He wants to have sex and I am not ready I have explained to him I am thrilled to have him pursue me but I am not willing to have sex till our repeat tests are done and come back negative and I need more time to become comfortable and my heart has a chance to heal and he can prove he is trust worthy.so now he has withdrawn and will not talk to me his willingness to touch me and carress me has stopped I feel like again I am being punished for his poor decision 

He choose to see her again and destroy all the trust I had started to rebuild from the first time

I know I love this man but I am beginning to wonder why/

I wonder if he is really making love to me or fantasizing about her when he is making these sexual attempts