Why me?

I am truly sad for you. I hope your husband realizes all that he has to lose and that he works hard to regain your trust and heal your heart. Hopefully you can address the issues that led to him doing this in the first place. If he cheats again - get rid of him,he's not worth it. As for your friend, she is no friend and you need to get rid of that friendship immediately. Good luck in your marriage, make wise thought out choices, not choices based on fear of...

My heart goes out to you. My now ex-wife had boyfriends while we were married and of course it was all my fault. How could they do that to you? Easy they were too busy thinking of themselves. Will it happen again ? Odds are yes it will. I like the way you put I feel like I am in a nasty dream... it may turn into a nightmare before you wake up i am sorry to say. I finished raising three teens and a preteen by myself. Was it hard? You bet it was. I hope for your sake your husband is really a good man and sees the error of his ways. If not move on for your and your childrens well being. After the confusion wears off the hurt will kick in then the anger and sadness. Feel the feelings as much as you need to but dont make them a part of who you are let them go.
May your find peace.

Dear "Why Me?"

Why not you? It can and does happen to all kinds of wonderful women. It's usually not your fault, so stop beating yourself up. It's usually the man's problem. He's still a boy, not a man. He has never grown up, and he may never grow up. You have to decide if you want to waste time with this deceitful, flawed, self-centered boy with no character, or if you want to spend time improving yourself and your life without him. In life, it seems that, if you chase someone too hard, you don't always get them. And often, if you do get them, you end up not being very happy. If he was really your best friend, he would not have done what he did. And if she was really your best friend, she would not have done what they did. You are better off without either one of them. By making yourself strong, independant, interesting and whole, you will attract better people into your life. You don't need weak people who betray you and your trust.

I am a man, who has been with the love of his life for 36 years. I trust her with my life. We have always been able to trust each other. Neither of us has ever stepped out on the other. We always thought of each other first before thinking of ourselves. I would never want to be the cause of sad tears on her beautiful face... I could not bear it. I adore her, and would find life without her almost unbearable. If, for some strange reason, I could not be with her in heaven when we die, there would be no heaven for me...

We have raised 5 beautiful daughters together. We now have 6 gorgeous granddaughters and one handsome grandson. I adore them all... I would never take a chance of ruining what we have by doing something as thoughtless, self-centered and stupid as cheating on this wonderful woman. We have both had many opportunities to do it. We have both had others come-on to us. We have always told them "No."

I was 19, and she was 34 when we married. She had 3 little girls from her first marriage, which had gone badly, much like yours. She had the courage to get out, because she could no longer trust him. I fell head-over-heals in love with her, and I loved her little girls, too. It was a package deal and a ready-made family. It was a bit scary for both of us, and many people bet against us, but we loved each other, and we made it work. We lost six babies over the next four years, and we shed a lot of tears, before we finally had two healthy little girls of our own, just a year apart. They were the light of all our lives, and their older sisters loved them.

This is not to say we didn't have a few disagreements along the way. We had the occasional tiff, but they were few and far between, and we loved each other enough to fight fairly. When things threatened to spin out of control, we cared enough to find help via good counselors a time or two, to get us back on track and teach us how to do things right. Underneath it all, we always understood that we meant so very much to each other, and I hated to fight or argue. I always would rather give in than cause her any pain, but I found that this was not healthy either, so we went for help to learn how to communicate, and we fixed what had cracked before it could break...

I wish you well. May God bless you with strength and love beyond measure. May you become whole and know you are loved. May you make the choices and decisions that are best for you and your children. May you find peace.

Love,
Phread
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2 years ago I found out my husband of 33 years had an affair. I found out when their baby was 5 months old and # 2 baby was on the way. Talk about devestated. We chose to work things out not divorce.He was my first love and my only love and i never wanted to be with anyone else. I never even dated anyone else. We married when i was 18 and he was 19. He is a truck driver and was gone alot. That's when he met her. She was a cocktail waitress in NV and she listened to him when he gripped about me and his unhappy marriage. I thought all was fine but he didn't think so. They fell in love and into bed. Let me say he isn't a youngster. He is now 53. She is 12 years younger than he is. They talk on the phone daily because of the girls. The oldest is almost 3 and can now call him to talk to her daddy. She comes to town every 4 to 6 months to let him see the girls. Now she wants to come to town once a month. The whole thing kills me while I wait for him to get back after his visit with her and the girls. I want to meet her and the girls but she won't meet me.He tells me they are just friends now nothing more and I want to believe it. I have choose to forgive them and want to put it all behind me but he wants to be in the girls lives to some degree. We have 3 kids togather all of which are adults and we have 3 grandkids. We are still in love but there is that outside interferances. They have not been togather sexually for over 2 years. How do I get over the jealosy and move on with my husband and our marriage?

I know how you feel from my own personal experience . My husband of 35 years cheated on me and I was devastated . All that i thought I knew about him and us was abolished in his selfish act . I caught him and questioned myself just as you do then I got mad ,very mad , I kicked him out , gave all his clothes and tools away before I did it and then rented the same room he used at the motel and took his keys to his place of employment and told him he had a choice to make .It was either her or me and if he chose me he had to earn his way back . That meant from that moment on he had no contact with her or any connection to anyone who had helped or enabled them . He last all privacy . No more computer or cell phone and I now took control of our money . He had to give me all receipts and I would check our bank account every day online to see if he was spending anything I didn't know about . He would make a new will and his retirement and all assetts would go to me or our children and he would account for every minute of his time if I asked . If he wanted a maariage he had to earn it and find new respect for me and our family . He stated that he wanted our marriage to work and I told him to spend a week in his motel room that he previously shared with her and if he agreed to my conditions then we would take it day by day . I wanted him to sit in that room night after night and to ponder or question his own motives and why he did what he did . I did not keep any secrets from our family ,I told them what was happening and that the outcome of our marriage depended on his actions and how sorry he was that he had hurt me and them . He then had to earn both my trust and theirs .I am not saying this was the right way to handle it but it worked for me . I was independent working woman and I let him know I could very well live without him if he so desired . But i came to that indepence the day I kicked him out for the week . Before that i could not imagine my life without him . I had every chance at an affair if I had wanted one but had always been true to him . I let him know that some things would never heal . The total trust that i had always placed in him . The feeling of oneness that I thought we had and how sex would never be the same again because now I was not that special one and only but one of 2. It has been seven years now and we are still together but some things have never been replaced ,the feeling of specialness i always had when we made love . We are comfortable with one another again and close but not in that special way we were before . It will always be different because he took something special that only he and I shared and broke that part of us forever . He loves me and i love him but to this day if I see a story about a cheating husband or see a bobbed blond woman I get a little twinge and thoughts of him and her enter my mind . I still keep the money in the family and check on the places he goes that will never change because I will always have this nagging feeling if he was capable of doing it once what is to stop him from doing it again . He is more caring and tries to show me now in little ways that i am special but I think I will always remember that i was not quite that special. I am not saying this is how you should be i am just telling you my story and how I handled it . He also had to re-earn the respect of his children and that has not been easy for him because they will always remember the family they thought we were before the blinders came off . He is working his way back with them but is only doing this as he proves to them that his family comes first and job and other things are not his priority anymore but that we are

I had a philandering husband years ago that I stayed with for 23 years. Each time he strayed, he promised it would never happen again and I remained with him. Now I see I was living my life as a doormat. I have come to believe very few men who are forgiven stay true. After 23 years, he left with my best friend. They broke up two weeks later and he is now with his fourth wife. His leaving broke my heart, but it also did something for me. I became strong and was able to build a life for rmyself without depending on a man to make me complete. I always thought he was the strong one in our relationship - but I realized later that he had never really grown up. I made decisions and did things I never thought I would be able to do alone. It gave me pride in myself and propped up my sagging self esteem. I no longer thought about what I had done to cause this break-up. I just went on with my life with no self condemnation and it turned out great. Stop beating up on yourself. You did all you could to make your family happy. Now do all you can to make yourself happy. You count, too. Call a friend, go out shopping and for one day, have fun without talking about HIM even once! If you are still together, tell him what the rules are and do it without crying or whining. Let him see that you have boundaries and then stick to them. It feels so much better to be strong and on top of things, guilt free and steadfast in what you believe marriage should be. You have to live your life with your values. It's when we go against those that we are unhappy; If your personal values include fidelity, don't accept a life without it.

I did a quick 2 card reading for you . Basically it said. Get intouch with your own inate wisdom, Your ability to see clearlyin the midst of any undertaking. Follow a Path of balanced understanding and clarity, disciplin all needed to overcome your obstaclesfinding a way to recioncile your differences.Come to terms with them. Try to Meditate or have some quiet time ask the Angels for help in comforting guiding you. Nothing to lose.But please don't play the victim. There's 2 in your Relationship. Also please don't delude yourself after a short time that you 2 don't need help because everything is great and your marriage is back as it was.. Just because he returned back to his Family doesn't mean issues that drove him to your friend are resolved. They're not..It's going to take some time and help.
Blessings

Oh! Honey!
I understand you're devistated especially as you didn't see it coming.Honestlt,I don't think it is You. I think he;s probs; @work or sees you as super efficient and he has a feeling of inadequacy, neglected, overwhelmed with finances etc,Low self esteem is the Symptom. So he went for the nearest person handy to proove he's a Man and desireable.It's not love maybe lust. But I think it's more basic being wanted needed on both of their parts. She's Probably having issues in her relationship s too.She is the 1 who really betrayed you , Because women do have emotional attatchments and she knew how this would hurt you. Forgive her so you don't stay connected and move on, He wasn't thinking about who it would hurt.Just his immediate needs.
We have relationships with others to sort out our own life issues, learn and grow from them.We are in these Relationships only as long as needed to do this it could be 8wks 8yrs 50yrs. etc,Your Marriage isn't a failure. It may have gone off line a bit or You're both on a different course. Either way you need to work through your issues If you stay together or seperate because children are involved. They need amicable Parents, no using them as pawns. They will suffer more than you. Both let them know it's not their fault things are bad with you 2. Kids blame themselves for everything.Just let them know you are working things out to be friends again.
He was being an immature little boy. Felt sorry for himself so he had a bit of candy to make him feel better. He's no sex addict.
If he's quit with this Woman and it's the 1st. affair. You both sincerely want it to work. Then Marriage councelling from local church Salvos. or Community offices,either together or seperate to start.It's going to take a long time to regain your trust. But he has to recgonize the pain he did inflict and your resentment issues too. before you can move on. Get Dr. Phil's relationship rescue dvd, That may help.
Good Luck Dear.
PS I couldn't let a felllow WA shiela go without any advice he!he! chin up.! Your self esteem is battered too.. Give yourself positive re-enforcing messages. You owe it to yourself. Whatever happens This Change in your Life will work out well for you in the long run.
Blessings