How to Rebuild Your Relationship After Betrayal

Are you in a relationship where your partner had run away or strayed but has now come back to you? In order for your relationship to work again, trust and passion need to be rebuilt. Hurt feelings need to be soothed. Indiscretions or outright hurtful behavior need to be forgiven. There's work to be done -- but if it's done right, it'll be worth it to you both.

Here's your "how and what to do" list to get your relationship back to where you want it to be . . . or perhaps even better.

What to Do Immediately After Your Partner Comes Back
Do not take your partner back right away. Wait for him or her to convince you to get back into the relationship. At the same time, do not be convinced by emotional appeals. Rather, be convinced by your partner's solid understanding of what happened to cause him or her to run away and now to return, as well as by what he or she plans to do differently in the future.

This information should come easily from your partner, and it must come from within in order to stick. If your partner doesn't understand and/or can't articulate why he or she ran away and has come back, then either call it quits or get help understanding and articulating what happened through therapy, coaching or religious counseling. If the two of you go back into the relationship without understanding what happened, it'll fall apart again very shortly.

Here are some additional points for specific types of relationships: New Relationship/Casually Dating: If your partner ran away to a former flame, take it as a warning sign, no matter what is said when your partner returns. Additionally, know that a new relationship with a running partner is likely to end up in a breakup unless there's a darn good reason why the person ran away and has now come back.  Committed Dating/Newlyweds: If your partner ran away because of fear of intimacy, find out what kind of personal or emotional work or breakthroughs have occurred to allow him or her to tolerate more intimacy.  Seasoned Marriage/Relationship: Make sure your partner tells you what you need to change in your behavior to prevent him or her from running again. There may not be a need for change, but the conversation about the change is necessary to understand what happened.  On the Verge of a Breakup: Go very, very slowly together. Do not make any sudden leaps into intimacy because that'll create sudden leaps away from each other. How to Tell If Your Partner Is Back for GoodThere is no magic test that reveals whether or not your partner has come back for good. In some way, after being reasonably convinced the relationship will work this time, you have to take a risk with your heart. You want it to be a smart risk. This is why you need to enter and rebuild the relationship slowly, by being only as close as you are comfortable. In fact, you may find yourself torn most of the time. One part of you will want to rush into the relationship because you have missed your partner and want to get back to normal. But the other part of you will be holding back both trust and love until you feel safe.
Trust this second part and give it time. If you partner has truly returned, he or she will understand you need time and positive actions to become convinced the relationship will actually work. How to Rebuild Trust and PassionIn addition to the passage of time, the following actions will rebuild your trust and good feelings toward one another, and will make your relationship better than it was before: Talking about the past: Each of you should talk about all aspects of what happened to your relationship. Talk about your feelings, thoughts and experiences. And listen to each other.  Full disclosure/checking in: Each of you should initiate frequent conversations about how you are feeling about the relationship now. This will prevent any bad feelings from building up, will short-circuit your partner's desire to run, and will diminish any fear on your part.  Good experiences together: Each of you should consistently create or plan good, fun experiences together. Fun and joy reignite love. Intimacy: You should resume physical intimacy. If either one of you have a problem with this or are not interested, give it time. But, if time does not resolve the issue, seek help. No romantic relationship can survive without physical intimacy. Master Certified Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries coaches singles to attract and build loving, fulfilling, long-term relationships.
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Source: Relationships & Love

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