Something feels different at home lately, although you aren't able to quite pinpoint what's up. You and your partner are suddenly like two ships passing in the night. There is a certain uncomfortable distance between the two of you and you don't know how to bridge the gap. When you suggest a romantic dinner at home and a quiet evening to reconnect, your other half makes an excuse about this, that or the other thing-a-ma-jig that takes precedence over your togetherness. Is it possible there is something rotten going on in paradise? Could your beloved be having an affair?It certainly is possible that something is amiss. It is also possible that stress is creating a wedge between the two of you. However, if your radar is careening off the walls, and you're sure this is more then just work-a-holism and hectic schedules, read on.
According to many of the men and women who call Ask Mars Venus Coaches, ignoring the problem only makes it worse. Surprisingly enough, listening to their intuition was an important factor in discovering whether or not their partner was having an affair. If you suspect hanky panky in the air, ask yourself if the following signs are present:
- Withdrawal from friends and family
- New hip clothes, haircut, accessories (a fancy new cell phone, palm pilot, car etc.)
- Shift in your sex life (either more or less -- some kind of definite change)
- Weight loss, additional exercise regime, and an intense new interest/obsession with their looks and appearance
- Going to work early and/or coming home late on a regular basis
- Not being available to communicate with you for extended periods of time that are out of the ordinary
- Increased criticism of you, your appearance, your home and other areas where you two are intimately connected
- Increased secretive behavior, i.e., showing anger or frustration if you use their computer, clean their laundry, drive their car, etc.
- Defensiveness when you ask about these things (A note of caution about defensiveness: A person's level of defensiveness is always a byproduct of how they are being communicated with. If you "accuse" someone of something, a defensive response is a normal reaction.)
Be careful as you consider each of these possible signs and how they may apply to your relationship. Individually, any one of these signs can simply be a normal part of everyday life. Your partner may simply be striving to improve his or her appearance, exploring new interests, or feeling anger or frustration with the relationship. It is the accumulation of these signals that may point to something more ominous happening in your world.
It's also important to keep in mind that the stress of modern life can cause anyone to change daily patterns and withdraw from the people who care about us the most. Your partner may feel as though they are doing you a favor by keeping their feelings to themselves and finding healthy ways to blow off some steam alone until they feel better. But, what if your partner is having an affair? How should you deal with it, and how will you really know? Should you stay or go? How in the heck do you communicate your sensitive feelings without coming off sounding like judge, jury and executioner? If you're confused as to whether or not your suspicions are rooted in reality or just paranoid flights of fantasy, you might want to take a step back and consider your options. Start by determining what is truth and what is fiction. Because, here are the real facts: Accusing your partner of something as ominous as being unfaithful will not earn you partner-of-the-year points. In fact, making unfounded accusations could be scarier then not knowing anything at all. As much as you are feeling hurt over the situation at hand, lashing out and saying hurtful things to your mate may actually turn a so-so situation into an awful one. The truth is that the only real way to know is to ask. Open, honest communication about how you're feeling is the only way you can explore what might be happening in your relationship. If you feel your partner may be doing something you would not approve of, find a quiet time to openly share your feelings. Dr. John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (HarperCollins, 2004). For insight into dating and relationships today, visit Relationship Advice from MarsVenus.com.
Source: Relationships & Love