There are two issues that Linda should consider: providing care for her mother in her own home and improving communication. To discuss the practical aspects of home care, I called geriatric specialist Joann Nelson.
"The first thing to look for is a diagnosis," counsels Nelson, who says Linda's mother appears to have some kind of dementia. But there are dozens of conditions that mimic dementia and are treatable. She recommends the following steps for Linda.
1. Medical: "Get your mother a good diagnostic work-up; ask for a CAT scan to rule everything else out. Depression can look like dementia if your mother is not eating properly or if electrolyte or thyroid imbalances are causing problems."2. Respite: "Look at services in your community such as adult day care. These staff are well trained to deal with people with various behaviors. And it will give you respite time."
3. Home care: "Tell everybody you know, from your hairdresser to the postman and church groups, that you are looking for home help. There is such a large 'underground' of caregivers--obviously you want to make sure you feel comfortable with them. You can check with the local police department to see if they have any kind of record. I have a guide I give clients looking for home care workers on their own.
"You need to take care of yourself and not feel exhausted when you finish the day. If you get sick, then what you are trying to avoid is going to happen. Look at your day: What's the hardest part? Where would you feel comfortable hiring somebody? You can get someone four hours a day three days a week, but be sure to set up a consistent schedule.
"For something less costly, check with local senior centers, churches, university student housing and job boards. It may mean piecing something together, but you're also getting some relief knowing there's somebody there in the evenings."
4. Emotional support: "Get involved in a support group. It's hard for one person alone to know that what they are doing is right. You have to trust that you are working from your heart and you're doing the best you know how."
5. Professional advice: "Consider consulting with a professional to evaluate the situation, especially if you feel pressures from the outside world that you are not doing the right thing. Even a one-time consultation fee with a professional care manager is worth making sure you get the resources you need and that you are not spinning your wheels while fearing you are going to do something inappropriate. This professional can give you structure and help you plan ahead."
Next: Communication: Advice from an Expert >
