"I care for my mother in her home. It began in 1997 after she was hospitalized for congestive heart failure. I quit my job and was commuting 45 miles to her mobile home every other day. I would see that she took her medication; prepared her meals; got her to doctor appointments; did her shopping, laundry, house work and yard work; paid her bills--all the things she was no longer able to do for herself but hadn't wanted to tell me. For the days I wasn't there, I set out her medications and left prepared meals to heat up. This worked fine for a few months, until her memory began failing.
"I would come in and find she hadn't taken the pills or eaten much. I found a home care agency that sent someone out to give her medications and prepare meals. My mother would forget the girl was coming and be asleep when she arrived. So, I began to come every day.
"One morning I arrived to find the aftermath of her forgetting a pot of beans on the stove and the smell of smoke permeating the place. She forgot it was on the stove and went to sleep. It was too close for comfort.
"Part-time home health aides aren't enough and full time in-home care is too expensive, but I want her to be comfortable in her own home, so through a home health care agency I found a woman to come in twice a month. She stays weekends so I can go home. I also found a Caregivers Resource Center to help with respite care. But I don't know where to find other help I might need.
"But I never know what to expect or that I'm doing the right things. Of particular concern are her fussiness over hygiene, meals, and her complaints about pain when she gets out of bed.
"I keep telling myself she isn't being stubborn--she really doesn't remember she hasn't taken her medication or that she hasn't bathed. I am doing the best I can do and hope that it is good enough. But it's taking its toll." Next: Home Care >
