Lois Wyse: ThirdAge Insider

Call it civility. Call it manners. Call it getting along in the world. Whatever you call it, people today deplore its absence. Where is the kind word? Where is the appreciative thank you? And whose fault is it anyway?

Today's first letter is from a grandmother who blames that working mother, my daughter-in-law, for not taking time to teach basic manners to her children. But in her book "Working Mothers 101," (Harper Perennial, 1998, $13) Katherine Wyse Goldman (yes, she's my daughter) offers some suggestions on giving children responsibilities so they will understand that keeping things organized and neat is an ongoing aspect of life.

Do Manners Still Matter? Are manners more important to you or to your children and grandchildren? Manners matter more to people my age than to those younger than me. Manners still matter. My children and grandchildren learned their manners well. or just check the results.

Some of the chores she suggests are: setting the table, clearing their own places, emptying trash, sorting cans, papers, and glass for recycling, making beds, putting dishes away, and helping wash the car.

And, of course, it's expected that parents will say "thank you," as a first step in teaching manners.

Dear Lois
My grandchildren never say thank you when I send gifts, and I am getting tired of this lack of appreciation. My own children had perfect manners, so I think it's all because of that working mother, my daughter-in-law, who never takes time off from her traveling and concentration on her career to remember that these children will grow up rude and obnoxious--just like most of the young parents I see today--unless she stops for a minute and reads Emily Post or Miss Manners to them.

DISGUSTED WITH THEM ALL

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