Lois Wyse: ThirdAge Insider

As our parents age, we sometimes feel encumbered by them, as if we suddenly have two more children. Perhaps instead we should focus on the strengths they've shown in their lives, as inspiration for our own.

I have always cherished the writing of Anne Morrow Lindbergh. As a child, I wrote book reports about her adventures with her flyer/husband, and as a young wife, I absorbed the lessons written in the wind and on the sands of her finely crafted Gift from the Sea. Along the way, I gave this book to women in my immediate family and in my family of friends.

Today, her words about aging from Gift from the Sea resonate with me: "For is it not possible that middle age can be looked upon as a period of second flowering, second growth, even a kind of second adolescence...The signs that presage growth, so similar, it seems to me, to those in early adolescence: discontent, restlessness, doubt, despair, longing, are interpreted falsely as signs of decay. In youth one does not as often misinterpret the signs; one accepts them, quite rightly, as growing pains..."

Knowing those thoughts, I was startled and saddened to read the words of Mrs. Lindbergh's daughter Reeve in the current issue of Victoria Magazine: "Although it is now more than 20 years since my father died, we are still directed and dominated by his strength of character. Although my mother is more than ninety years old, often confused in her mind, and fragile at this writing, we are still redeemed, gentled, and sustained by her."

Anne Morrow Lindbergh fragile and confused? How can that be? Yet, for her family, she retains a certain vitality. Perhaps it is the memory of all she has been that makes it possible for her family to continue to feel that her strength sustains them.

That may be a philosophy more of us need to adopt. For those of us dealing with parents who have become our children, those words have a special poignancy. Today's letter writers have more to say on the topic.

Family Projects a Solution

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