Lois Wyse: ThirdAge Insider

Dear Lois
I'm turning 53 this year, and it has been seven months since I was finally divorced from my 70-something husband after 24 years. At the start of our marriage, we were so happy, so passionate, so in love. He was 45. When he retired, I had to keep working because we couldn't survive on his pension alone. I didn't mind because I love my career. At night, when I returned home, all he could talk about was things that irritated him. He wasn't interested in my anecdotes, and in bed things did not go better. Subsequently, he experienced impotence, and that was the end of our sex life. I accepted all this for years, and from time to time we discussed the problem. One day, he gave me a reference with whom I could discuss my problem. I was furious because this was now my problem, not our problem.

At the end of 1997, I looked in the mirror and saw an old, overweight woman desperate for love. And then I bought a computer. Searching for online business, I stumbled upon a male married pen pal who was also lonely. Our Internet relationship lasted until a month ago, when he died. Our communication gave me perspective and confidence...although he and I never met. I have suffered a lot of emotional stress, but I also discovered a whole new world of people around me. My ex often blamed the age difference for our problem. It need not be a problem if a husband knows his wife's needs and fulfills them. I think the key is to make a spouse feel wanted, desired. So although I do not have the security of a married home, I'm more outgoing and outreaching. My quality of life has improved with quantum leaps. Everything in life has a price. I chose to pay the price for a new life, and hopefully for a fulfilling love.

M

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