ThirdAge Insider: Dr. David Schnarch

Does growing up in a culture more sexually open than America result in healthier sexual relationships for adults? My experience in Europe leads me to believe there are forces so strong surrounding sex and intimacy in committed relationships they exceed the forces of culture that shape our sexual attitudes.

My first recently completed trip to Europe was a real eye-opener. Ostensibly, I went to teach my Sexual Crucible Approach for sexual and marital therapy to clinicians in Denmark and Holland. I also went to see if the culture could be so different there that my approach wouldn't be useful. Secretly, I envisioned being chastised by my Northern European counterparts, "You Americans are hung up on sex, so childish, so unsophisticated! Couples here don't have the same kinds of problems with sex and intimacy."

OPEN EXPERIENCE In many ways, there are significant cultural differences. Adolescents in Denmark and Holland explore sex with much less guilt and shame. Girls often have first intercourse at home in their own beds, with their parents' knowledge and permission. Dutch and Danish sexologists suggest that both women and men in these countries may be more likely to engage in "one-night stands" with no expectation of subsequent emotional commitment. Women feel as free as men to experiment sexually with multiple partners.

Condoms are readily available there, and, unlike the U.S., carry no "we know what you're doing" stigma. They have a much more realistic attitude like, "It's likely you will engage in sex--and if you do, it's your social and personal responsibility to use a condom." (Denmark and Holland enjoy the lowest teenage pregnancy rates in the world; America has one of the highest of any industrialized nation.) The Radisson hotel in Odensa Denmark provides condoms in the bathroom, along with the shampoo, mouthwash, and soap you'd expect in any good hotel. Imagine Radisson hotels doing the same in America!

FEWER INHIBITIONS? But, does growing up with less sex guilt than their American counterparts --and possibly more partners--make things different once Northern European couples settle in together? I repeatedly asked, "Is there any reason to think Scandinavian and Dutch couples have less difficulty with sex and intimacy?" Specifically, I wondered if Europeans have sex with their eyes open more frequently than Americans do?

From everyone--and I met with the Dutch Association for Sexology, the Danish Sexological Clinic, and the Nordic Congress for Sexology--the answer to all three questions seemed to be "No."

Informal Research Confirms...

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