ThirdAge Insider: Dr. David Schnarch |
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Don't Give Up in The Sexual Prime Of Life!
OPENING UP In the last third of life, men are often more interested and capable of intimacy (including during sex) than they were when they were younger. A man may not pole-vault into bed any more, but he's finally willing to stop "proving" himself and let his partner hold him. He's also more likely to tolerate and want a partner who's his equal in bed.
Likewise, older women often stop apologizing for their eroticism and their interest in sex for its own sake. An older woman is less likely to remain a dutiful half-step behind her partner's eroticism; she's no longer immobilized by a fear of threatening him by being more sexually aggressive--or creative. As she matures sexually, she's no longer interested in just letting sex be done to her; rather, she becomes willing and able to do her partner too. She can hold him till he finally relaxes, and she, too, can make him bellow "Oh, God!"
SEXUAL GROWTH, NOT PHYSICAL Sexual potential has more to do with eroticism and intimacy than it does with physical performance. In your ThirdAge, it's more about heart and mind than about blemish-free skin. Lots of people subscribe to the rhetoric that sex and intimacy can improve as we get older, but we're surprised when we find out that we're living proof it's true.
What makes human sexuality quintessentially human is our ability to bring meaning to sex. Reaching your sexual potential involves creating transcendent meanings through profound intimacy, eroticism, and passion. It takes a lifetime to develop this capacity. Sex and intimacy can take on untold depth and poignancy as we mature. Couples often find this quality more than compensates for physical changes that may negatively impact their sexuality.
So next time you look at glamour models and young, hard bodies, don't forget: Most people never reach their full sexual potential, and those who do are usually well into their 50s, 60s and 70s. Cellulite and sexual potential are positively correlated.
Ask your questions in the Intimate Lives discussion.
More about Dr. David Schnarch.
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