ThirdAge Insider: Dr. David Schnarch

At what age do men and women reach their sexual peak? And what are the sexual impacts of aging? Think about these two questions, and you can may learn some interesting things about how you feel about yourself.

For many people, these questions bring up a painful litany of aging's negative physical impacts: cellulite, menopause, reduced erections or less vaginal lubrication, stretch marks, hair loss, weight gain--the list goes on. Although ways of enhancing body image and genital performance in later life multiply daily, Viagra, liposuction, implants, collagen injections, lifts, tucks, and makeup often seem like attempts to camouflage reality and make the best of a deteriorating body.

NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES Unfortunately, such thoughts can also reinforce the negative stereotypes many of us learned as we were growing up. At what age, did you once "learn" that people reach their sexual prime? If you studied your text books diligently, you may still believe that men reach their prime in late adolescence, and women reach theirs a decade later. It's true that 20-year-old boys have the quickest and firmest erections of their lives, that 30-something women's breasts do still defy the laws of gravity, and that these women are more likely to have an orgasm than they were in high school.

The problem is, these observations subtly confuse physical prime with sexual prime. Given the way men and women often measure their sexual adequacy and desirability by the way their bodies look and function, this isn't surprising. It's easy to fall prey to common distortions about sex and aging, and then live down to our erroneous expectations.

IMPROVEMENT WITH AGE Now, consider another question that puts these things in better perspective: Are you better in bed now than when you were 20? For the vast majority of people I've encountered in workshops and public lectures around the world, the answer is a joyous--and surprised--"Yes!" That's because sexual prime and reaching your sexual potential involves much more than physical appearance and genital performance.

Opening Up

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