Are You Feeling Alone on Valentine's Day?

For many, Valentines Day is another reminder of the love that seems to be missing in our lives, causing our abandonment issues to rise to the surface. 

Some of us are alone because we haven't been able to find that someone special. The lack of belonging to someone feels especially painful at this time.

Some of us are going through a breakup, and our sense of loss and longing intensify as Valentine's Day approaches.

Some of us are caught up in patterns of abandonment and feel frustrated with ourselves as well as our potential lovers.

Some of us are in relationships in which we feel a loss of love. Valentine's Day reminds us that our romantic dreams are not fulfilled.

Some of us are happily coupled, but feel melancholy twinges of love pain rising to the surface from old unresolved abandonment wounds.

On the positive side, Valentine's Day reminds us of the importance of love. To make the most of the holiday, it helps to remind ourselves that:

• We can all increase our capacity to love, whether or not we have that special someone.
• It begins with learning to love ourselves with unconditional acceptance and a deeper internal connection.
• This doesn't just happen by snapping our fingers. We need to establish a daily regimen where self-love can increase incrementally.
• As the ember of self-love begins to glow from inside, we can extend it to others.
• We give the gift of unconditional love to others.
• We give to give, not to get. Letting go of expectations of others frees us all to experience greater love and connection.

Susan Anderson is a psychotherapist and the author of Journey From Heartbreak to Connection, Journey From Abandonment to Healing, and Black Swan: Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery. Through her books and www.abandonment.net, she reaches out to abandonment survivors and clients from all over the world.