Discussion
OCD, Asperger's, & Abandonment
Posted 9/4/08 12:06 AM
OCD, Asperger's, & Abandonment
Every time I have a crush on someone, even though I try to hide it (because I know they’re not interested) it comes out in a destructive way and the guy who was once a good friend abandons me without explanation. I’m almost 28 years old and have been dealing with this for 11 years. I’m going to a therapist now but all he does is say “uh huh” “uh huh.” I also have Asperger’s Syndrome and OCD, which probably is partially a cause of the problem. I also have a history of non-romantic friends ceasing to talk to me for no given reason.
Is this situation familiar to anybody?
J.
Posted 04/10/09 8:44 AM
Hi Julie
Lately I have become very interested in Asperger's because my love interest has one grandson with autism and one with asperger's. I also suspect my love interest has Asperger's. We have tried living together and I found that he doesn't process information quite the same way as I do or most people I know. He is a wonderful man but I have so much difficutly with things with him that I am trying to figure out a way to be connected to him and with him but not live with him 24/7. It is just too stressful.
See if you can find a good therapist who is not just familiar with Aspergers' but has some experience with it.
From what I understand, the person with Asperger's cannot see how difficult it is for non-asperger's to communicate with and be comfortable for any length of time with those who do have it. BUT you can learn to overcome some of the problems so that people won't notice so much.
My guy wants to connect with others and have a permanent relationship but he knows that he doesn't seem to be able to do that as well as he would like.
I have not told him that I think he has some of the characteristics of Asperger's. He is VERY high functioning so I think it would be hard for him to accept he has some problems.
I do think at some time I will try to get into a conversation with him about it.
Right now, we are going to put some space between us but stay connected if we can. I don't want to abandon him. I really love him but I can't live with him 24/7. It is too stressful. If he were not retired and working so that he would be gone from the house several hours a day, it would be easier for me.
Julie, I can tell you it takes a special person to be in a close relationship with someone with Asperger's but it is not impossible to find someone like that. They would have to have an extensive understanding of AS and it would help to have a good therapist who can help you and a partner to work through the issues.
You are not an angry person per se, you just have a frustrating situation to deal with.
I hope for you that you will find someone to work with you and an understanding partner.
Have you gone to the Autism/Asperber's website?
Posted 09/04/08 1:13 PM
There is hope
I can tell you this - you need to get to the root of your anger - is it with men? with you, perhaps your self-image? with your past and some event(s) that might have shaped the way you now deal with men and relationships? You will be fine- you are young - but you MUST change your therapist- you need someone who will give feedback! I am currently in therapy and it is very interactive (I even get homework!) and after only 2 sessions, I feel so hopeful again. Shop around for a new therapist and get excited about the end results that will come your way. You just need some positive intervention, some assistance with how to address and deal with your behavior. It's out there, trust me.
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