What’s Great About Guys?

My men's group has been meeting regularly since 1979. We began meeting when we all lived in Marin County, California and felt the need for a supportive environment to discuss the changes going on in our lives. We're seven guys who now range in age from 58 to 79. During the last 30 years, two guys have dropped out and two guys have been added. The last "newcomer" joined the group 19 years ago. We now meet for a 5 day gathering four times a year. It's something that we all look forward to and never miss. We met recently in Seattle were T lives now and during our time together I realized something important about men that I had missed.

First, it struck me that our current cultural view of men is often very negative. Second, I had a flash of recognition of how truly wonderful guys really are. As a culture we seem to have accepted that (to some degree at least) women, gays, and racial and ethnic minorities are human and deserve care and respect. However, many believe it is still OK to put down men. There's a book (one of many) I saw recently called All Men Are Jerks, Until Proven Otherwise by Daylle Deanna Schwartz. The book was published by major publisher and Ms. Schwartz has appeared on Good Morning America and Oprah. No one could get away with writing a book titled All Women Are Jerks or All Blacks Are Jerks or All Jews Are Jerks, but we still seem to feel that male bashing is funny.

What would the world be like if we honored the men in our lives rather than ridiculing them? Let me tell you a few things that I like about the guys in my men's group (I could write a book on each one... but, I'll be brief).

Terry waited until he found the right woman, married, had two kids, and raised them to be kind, loving, and involved in the world. He's still madly in love with his wife, and it shows. Jim retired after a successful career, has become a late-in-life grandfather, mentors young men, is an incredible artist, and works daily to be a better father. Del raised a son and a daughter, re-married and helped raise his new wife's daughter. A superb father to all, Kenji takes his health seriously and keeps fit in body and spirit. He's never had kids of his own, but has been a terrific father to a number of young men who have come into his life. Derrick makes great wine from grapes he nurtures like his children. When he married he stepped into a family with four kids. He soon became a man of value in their lives and every day teaches them what it means to be loved and supported. Tim built a school (the program, the teachers, parents, kids, buildings, the stone-work, the driveway-the whole shebang). He also stepped into the father role when he married. He's a loving, creative spirit, who continues to heal old wounds and deepens his relationship with is wife, family friends, and the school community.