What’s Great About Guys?

What do these guys have in common? They care. They're not afraid to feel. They are strong in ways that really count. They are always learning and growing emotionally. They are creative. They have real courage. They can be counted upon. They aren't afraid to fail. They never give up. They love and are loved. They act like men at a time when it isn't always easy to do so.

Given the climate of the times, guys often hide their goodness because it is sometimes seen as "bad." Guys restrain our natural desire to be polite and hold the door for a woman for fear we will be labeled chauvinists. We hold back our tears for fear of being labeled "soft." We take Viagra to make our erections hard for fear that being soft will label us as "impotent."

One of the wonderful things about being in a men's group for 30 years is that we let ourselves be seen -- in all our human-male-flawed glory. It's rare these days that men let their goodness show, even to themselves. It's even more difficult to take the risk to let it out to women.

One woman who found a novel way to learn about men is Norah Vincent. Norah wanted to know what life was really like for men. Many women have long been convinced that men have always had it better, in every way. To find out for herself if this was actually true, and to see where the common perception fell short, Norah did it: for eighteen months she became a guy. She lived in the world of her alter ego, Ned, with an ever-present five o'clock shadow, a crew cut, wire-rimmed glasses, and her own size 11 1/2 shoes -- a perfect disguise that allowed her to observe and participate in the world of men as an insider.

Reading her account in her book, Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back Again, I thought, "this is a woman who literally walked a mile in my shoes and 'got' what it's like being a man." Dealing with the "opposite sex" brought some deeply disturbing insights.

Glensgirl2001's picture
I totally agree with Jed! I realize there are some men who don't live up to those standards, but men, as a rule, have so much responsibility on their shoulders. I have two boys (18 & 21 yrs) and a wonderful husband (who is not perfect, but works so hard for the family!) so I guess that has made me view things more from a male perspective (you can't have kids and not feel their hurts and pressures). That book title "All Men Are Jerks..." speaks loudly about how men are being portrayed and it's just not fair.
amy01's picture
I wish I could meet Mr. Diamond's friends - or some nice friends of theirs. Maybe I need to move to an area which has a higher percentage of wonderful men - like Marin county. I think the men in the Boston area are mostly damaged: the irish catholic curse. Nice to know there are so many nice guys out there somewhere. Sad that once again they are all taken! :)
amc716's picture
What do these guys have in common? They care. My response: Yes, these guys care. But quite frankly this is more rare than reality. To be fair, the same can be said about women. Except most women I know love way too much for their own good. They're not afraid to feel. My response: Again, it's a rare breed of man that really shows his feelings. Then there are those who are over the top dramatic and emotional...in my experiences, the older they get...the more they take on the emotional role of the woman. They are strong in ways that really count. My response: Women are equally as strong...again..rare is the man who can accept a strong woman, not be intimidated by it, and balance it with his own strength. They are always learning and growing emotionally. My response: Not always. This is a generalization They are creative. My response: I haven't met one yet. I too am a single, divorced woman in my early 50's who has been dating off and on for the last 8 years. Creativity never came into play on the male part. I expended more energy trying to be creative, understanding, nurturing, caring...I'm outta energy folks. They have real courage. My response: They have more courage to walk away and give up too easily They can be counted upon. My response: Do you know how many times that I have heard..."I will always be there for you...24/7...whenever you need me call me...ha! They aren't afraid to fail. My response: Men are definitely more afraid to fail then women are. It's that ego thing. They never give up. My response: I was given up on a few times because the other half just couldn't deal with his own life issues. As a result, our relationship suffered and ended. Get your stuff together..man! They love and are loved. My response: When I love, I love unconditionally. And as much as a man says he wants this...again..rare is the man who knows how to accept it let alone reciprocate unconditionally. They act like men at a time when it isn't always easy to do so. My response: They act like children..even when they are 50+ Am I jaded? Yes Will I trust again? Probably not I'm going into the convent.
doctorkj's picture
This article is silly and offensive. All men are not great--any more than all women, gays, Spanish-speakers, redheads, people in wheelchairs, or people of color are "great." This sort of essentialist thinking--that a single characteristic (gender, ethnicity, whatever) defines who we are and what we are like--is the basis of all forms of oppression. Some men are great, sure. Some, not so much. And that is true of any group you can think of. And if our society really denigrates and ridicules men, then most of our political leaders and corporate CEOs--indeed, the large majority of people with power and money--would be women, right? And it would be women that we mainly value for their brain and accomplishments and not their looks, right? Please.
Meil220's picture
This was such a wonderful article. It enlightened me significantly and truly helped me understand men. I am in my early 50' s a divorcee, raising two adolescent daughters. I have dated since my divorce and currently involved in a long-distance realtionship. Reading this article opened my eyes and enlightened me in such a way. I was propelled to answer the final question. It made me think! " I had many responses. But to sum it up: I would say nothing can replace a "good, wonderful man and all the benefits he brings to a relationship." I was so enthralled by this article I have sent it to several friends. Men as well as women. I have sent it to men in support, and women to enlighten them !
pacer17's picture
There is alot of truth in what Jed Diamond states especially for older men like me who are in their fifties. Society and the government have a tendency to put men down so thus there is a lack of leadership because men who do not want the stress and criticism when they make the effort to be a leader.
taylor750's picture
Who is the gentlemen in the photo...if not Jed Diamond? Is this not misrepresentation? The article was believable until I clicked on the name and another photo showed. What's the deal?
amethystmoon's picture
This is a great article. It has really opened my eyes, especially as I am on the dating scene @ 50. Thanks for posting this!!! You are a godsend to women who may have been clueless for a long time.
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