Don't Let Financial Stress Ruin Your Relationships

Sept. 29, 2008 -- If Patricia Tyson could give worried clients one word of advice that didn't involve crunching numbers or dodging a bill collector, it would be this: Relax.

Yes, it is getting exceedingly harder to calm down when it comes to cash flow. Gasoline prices remain high, the stock market is tumbling, and the news offers a daily dose of depressing information about job cutbacks and layoffs. Local clinics and counseling services are seeing more people come into their offices distressed -- and stressed -- about the strain the economy has on their lives.

Terrance Sproul, behavior therapist at Cape Fear Valley Behavioral Health Care, said he sees a growing number of clients focusing on their financial woes.

"People are feeling quite a bit of pressure" said Sproul, a therapist at Cape Fear for 17 years. "In a bright economy, when everything is fine and the news is good, you feel better about yourself. When you hear around you that there are dark storm clouds in the distance about the economy, it's very scary."

Tyson, director of Consumer Credit Counseling of Fayetteville, has some free advice.

"When people are out of control, that's what keeps them up at night," said Tyson, whose background is in management and psychology. "Once we give them a plan and they see there's a way out, that's what reduces the stress."

Tyson, who oversees 11 offices, said the volume of clients coming to the nonprofit center isn't higher than usual, but people's situations have worsened.

"The difference now is that we're having more difficulty actually helping people find solutions because they really don't have money to work out a repayment plan," she said.

Although agencies like Consumer Credit Counseling aren't in the behavior therapy business, Tyson said, counselors can recommend family counseling.

"When people first come in to see us, they're scared, they don't know who to turn to. Many think there's no help for them out there," said Esther Acker. She is the center's counseling services manager.

"I've had people break down and cry many times in my office," she said.

Sproul advises going to a debt counselor and lowering one's standard of living.

"What are your self expectations?" he asks. "Are you spending too much because you're trying to make yourself feel better?"

Jerry Powell, a licensed therapist and regional director at Fayetteville Family Life Center, said he and other counselors think it will take time for the effects of the economic crisis to show up in their therapy offices.

"The economic conditions will soon begin to cause anxiety, and it will start showing up in their personal relationships very soon," Powell said. "This anxiety will increase tension in the relationships, and it will show up by fighting and bickering."

Fayetteville residents Toni Smith, 43, and her son Army Sgt. 1st Class Kevin Jones, 22, both said people can reduce financial stress by learning how to live within their means.

"Maybe people don't use their money wisely," said Jones, who has two children and is engaged to be married.

Added Smith: "Don't try to be like everybody else. If you can't afford a big ol' SUV, then don't buy one. If you can only drive a Ford Focus, then that's what you drive."

Smith, a teacher's assistant, drives a Ford Focus.

John Cooper, a salesman for Walker Auto Stores, said he sees increased angst by customers when he goes on sales calls.

"There's not much they can really do about it until the gas prices drop," Cooper said.

Cooper, who is 61, said this economic crisis is different than others. He has seen people lose their house as well as their business.

"Slow down a little bit on spending," he said. "Of course, that's not going to help our economy."

Tips for an uncertain economy:

Relax and put a plan in place. It's a good way to reduce stress.

Prioritize. Keep the family intact and save the home. A lot of people make a mistake of pushing aside home issues because of mounting credit-card debts.

Be mindful of spending. Separate wants from needs.

See a consumer counselor, such as Consumer Credit Counseling of Fayetteville (www.ccap-inc.org). The first consultation is $35. It is waived for customers who have accounts at BB&T or have a current mortgage on a home.

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