Why Men Leave? What Every Woman (and Man) Needs to Know.

I know this sounds like an under-statement, but there are a number of long time married couples that simply grow apart. A very good friend was married for 25 years. The husband became very health minded and strarted to exercise and watch what he ate after a real heart problem arose. His wife did not follow in this direction and did not want to change her casual life style. He lost 80 pounds and became active. She was just the opposite. After more and more arguments, they ended up splitting up.

Keep him happy? What planet are you from Sir? Please don't tell me a homewrecker wrote this..YIKES...

Why do men leave? I'm just glad he did. Ok, I had to kick him out and yes, it was easy him being in jail for yet another DUI....Men leave because they don't want to grow up. Question answered..

The "Dear Jed Letter" is a standard, typical study in the psychology of American woman. Look for the frequent pattern, study the cause and effect, analyze the results. The analysis: 1. Projection, from the so called pain the wife experiences projected to the "children", an immediate, tactical strike. At this point who would disagree with her, "he (the man) is hurting the children. 2. Back to the wife, she is the focus, right, we need to stay on track. The accusations continue; he degrades her appearance and calls her names. She does not explain what names, leaves it to our wild base human nature here, such as in "worst case scenario". Is she over weight, a health issue, is this not concern? Everything her fault, at this point I would establish this letter was written by a 12 year old, or a sick adult woman. Predominately, the male gender rarely uses a female 'exaggeration' to claim a generality. Men are fixers, adjusters, not the type to revert to Chicken Little scenarios. 3. She found herself ! What to run away, avoid counselling. Oh by the way what about the marriage counselling, I did not find that in the story. Another tactful avoidance possibly, a counsellor does not, or should not have a bias in these situations where he would also capture subtle antagonistic issues with the wife. Appears that her inner nature is also a danger here where she cannot rightly discern important decisions and observations, that too would harm the children. As in the majority of the typical American woman, when and where does she ask herself, Why is he behaving like this, am I partially responsible, can it be I am doing something wrong. But it is always much, much easier to blame the man in our society. The blame is applied to the guilty person or persons not to the situation, or else nothing is resolved. This learned behavior will be transferred down to the children by observational results and the problems will continue into the next generation. 4.Men in a quiet way reveal also where the problem may lie. Her husband states that she is the problem, but in typical female behavior, he is simply dismissed. No wonder he is leaving, he has no one to listen to him, how sad.

My great grandmother always said that "There is no such thing as a man. They are just little boys grown tall." She was so right. However, I believe this has happened because of how society believes men should be. Just because men in most cases are larger and stronger than women, society has foolishly concluded they should be overbearing and dominating to the rest of us. The testosterone connection is no excuse for being this way. This selfish aloofness has created these "strong" males that have forgotten how to be human. As human beings, we all need to be nurtured and cared for regardless of our sex.

Men might leave for a lot of reasons. One thing that needs to be said that I have not heard nor read - women/wives need to realize that there are other women out there trying to steal their man. Unless women work at keeping him at home and happy, they are running a big risk of lsoing him. It seems that many women think they can coast along and the husband will just coast along, too. Not so. Men and women need to work at keeping their partner happy. If you don't care to pay tht price in advance, then take a lot of the blame when your man ( or your wife) finds someone who seems more interested and interesting. No excuses. Work at it before it happens to you.

Women have had it shoved down their throats for so long that the responsibility of keeping a relationship strong, and the man 'happy' is their burden to bear. If a man wants to leave, if he's making you miserable, let him go. Would he ever tolerate you, a mere woman, denegrating his appearance or the way he does things? I think not, but for some strange reason, women tolerate this behavior.

With an attitude like the last poster, it is no wonder he left her!

Men leave because it is easier to leave than to stay and work it out. Unfortunately, this often happens after they are married and have children - and then decide, you know, I think I might like to go out and whore around - like they should have done before they promised some poor woman to love and cherish them, be there in sickness and in health, etc. Then after a few years of the day to day, they're bored, or feel restless. So, let's just go out and throw it all away on some tramp. And come home and expect the little woman to suck it up and take them back. What about her needs? What about what she might want to do in a moment of feeling unfulfilled because of stress and overwork, but she doesn't because she has to clean the house, cook the dinner, do the laundry and take care of the kids so he can come home to peace and serenity after working all day? I feel no compassion for a cheating man. Work it out or get out. Don't make a victim of your family. Grow up and BE a man. Amen!!

SOME men may leave for the stated reasons, but every situation is different. I think many PEOPLE leave because they had a broadbased lack of self-identity and self-esteem when they paired up (especially if this happened when they were under 25), and in the course of 10, 15, 25 years "found themselves," and discovered that their true selves were of little relevance to/compatibility with the other person. We are raised with a bunch of stereotypical "shoulds" (w.r.t. to gender roles, and more) that we are often unable/unwilling to examine and shed before we reach 30, 40 or later. Just look at self-development workshops-- they are NOT populated with 20-something, they are populated with 40-somethings and beyond. The irony of it all is that (in MANY cases) by the time we have the wisdom to form strong and honest bonds with another, we're too old to have kids. Nature and the Universe is NOT without a sense of humor...

Malarkey. What you smell ain't roses, but it sure does help 'em grow. Here's a clue for you, Jed: Men don't leave; women leave. Sure, sometimes men walk away--but only after they have been pushed. Then there is much wringing of hands and shedding of tears, and pop pseudo-psychological pap (such as this article) is spewed in valiant effort to explain what is wrong with him. Well, I can tell you what's wrong: her. Ben Franklin had it right. A man marries hoping the woman will not change. A woman marries hoping the man will. Inevitably, each is disappointed. Building on Franklin's aphorism, "She" then must find what is wrong with "He." Odd that "She" so rarely is advised to look within. By the way, Jed, didn't you learn the difference between ordinal numbers and adverbs whilst earning your Ph.D.? Or did your little school emphasize political correctness over actual correctness in all matters? ("Fourth" is an ordinal number, corresponding to the number four in a series. "Forth" means forward in time, place or order. Sometimes, spell-checkers aren't enough.)

This explanation probably fits a lot of men, but does not fit many others. Without going into a long list of different reasons, in general men leave (physically or emotionally) when the relationship stops fulfilling their overall social and emotional needs. This can happen for lots of reasons and in lots of ways, many of which may be the man's own issues, and have little to do with the spouse. Suffice to say, relationships are learning experiences, and some people eventually find that the relationship leads them to lessons that they would rather not learn.

Fascinating article! Having just read this with my fiance, I must again say "Thank God THIS man has learned that speaking from his heart does not make him a sissy...in fact, it makes him a REAL MAN!" While the focus of the article is why MEN leave, there are some points which we believe could also apply to women who come from similar backgrounds as those mentioned. If a woman comes from a family where talking about their feelings is discouraged, they will carry that learned behavior into their marriages. Neither of our ex's were willing nor able to communicate their hopes and fears. This lack of emotional communication is what ultimately led to the breakdown of our respective former marriages (23 years each)! Thank you Jed for reaffirming that none of us are mindreaders -- nor should we have to be -- in order to have a successful, life-long marriage!

Men leave because you are not that into them. Give them what they need and you will get what you need. Been married to the same person for 47 years.

Men leave because of the stress in everyday life. TV commericals portray men as buffoons and stupid with a lack of common sense. Expectations are high for men so there is alot of unfair criticism when a man does not meet these high standards. Being strong and sensitive and making correct decisions is difficult.