Why Sleeping in Separate Beds Can Put a Spring in Your Love Life

But the stigma is perpetuated because of the popular assumption that if a couple is not sleeping side-by-side, then they're not "sleeping together."

"It's just one of those bizarre things of the English language that we use the term "sleeping together" to mean both sleeping together and sex.

"Sex and sleep are entirely separate entities, whereas we have put them into almost the same activity where if you're not sleeping next to somebody then you're not having sex with them and that's just foolish in the extreme. It doesn't make sense."

Just ask Washington DC resident Laura (34) who last year banished her husband down the hall to the back room when his incessant snoring, bed-tossing and night-owl tendencies pushed their marriage to the brink.

Now that she can sleep an entire night without being kicked in the back by her unconscious husband, she suddenly feels a whole lot happier.

"I used to be an insomniac, but now I've gotten my regular sleep schedule back and sleep throughout the night," she says.

"I feel much more rested and my mood during the day has improved dramatically."

And not just her mood but also her marriage. Laura scoffs at the notion that having her husband down the hall has dampened their sex life.

"Having a special date or 'inviting' the other person over is much more exciting than making it happen when we're just lying next to one another," she says.

In the past, the monarchy and the very wealthy never shared beds -- they found it much too offensive. Even today, the Queen and Prince Phillip reportedly sleep in separate rooms.

Not until the Industrial Revolution, when families were forced out of the countryside and into crowded tiny two-room houses in the new industrial heartland, did the notion of bed sharing for married couples become popular.

And up until the mid 1970s, the vast majority of American married couples chose twin beds over doubles.

Now, married couples in the UK and Ireland who sleep in traditional double beds find themselves with only 27 inches of personal space to manouver during the night.

Yet many people are still reluctant to broach the subject of separate rooms with their partners for fear of hurting their feelings.

"We don't talk about sleep. We don't have it as a topic of conversation in a relationship," says Stanley.

"If most people said, 'Look, I still love you, I still desire you but at the end of the day do you mind if we had separate bedrooms,' their partners would probably say, 'Yes, that sounds like a brilliant idea.'"

Source: YellowBrix, Belfast Telegraph
jerryfishes's picture
My wife and I have slept apart for several years because of snoring.Frankly it has been great we both have our bedrooms and our own bathrooms and space.I could care less what other people think-----we have been blissfully married for 53years.
AnaRita's picture
I do not agree with that. A good couple sleep together.
xve298's picture
Separate houses sound great. I like my alone time and to do the things I like. I am a nite owl and would feel pressure to "come to bed" . Having my own closet is another great idea as is having my own bathroom. Best my friends can come over with out imposing on her and vice versa
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