Suzi's Loveseat - One-to-One

Also in the Loveseat: Suzi's Sex Quiz One-to-One archive Who's Suzi?

Yours,

Suzi

P.S. If you have a question of your own, pose it to other ThirdAgers in the Romance Discussions.

Questions and answers

Horny Forty

Please tell me it will never stop! The older I get, the better the sex. I'm finding that I want it more and more. I spent the weekend with a 42-year-old, and have found in the past, as I did again this weekend, the younger ones can't keep up with me. I'm 48 and can't get enough. Is that normal?

Suzi Says: It's normal for you, so enjoy it! Just make sure your partner is enjoying it, too. David and I find our sex life is better now than when we were younger. I think it has a lot to do with a positive attitude and self confidence.

A Pill for Erection Problems

Do you have any information on the new medication that is supposed to be available now and that will produce an erection for impotent males? Would it be okay for a 79-year-old male? He can get an erection sometimes, but it's not very potent or long lasting. He is mildly diabetic and on pills for that, as well as some pills for too many platelets. Is that new medication available over the counter or prescription only? He's a great oral lover, and I do the same for him but he longs for some real coital sex once in awhile. Thanks for any information you might have.

Suzi Says: The newest medication for impotence is called Viagra, and it has to be prescribed by a doctor. Only his doctor will know if it will be safe to take along with the other meds he's taking. So far it seems to be working for a lot of men, but not all. Go to the urologist with him and do some research.

The Frigid Wives Tale

It seems I talk more with my friends about what our wives won't do in bed, rather than how good it is. We are all in our mid-forties.

Granted, with kids and other responsibilities, my wife may be a little burnt out at the end of the day, but does that mean no sex life? I am getting hornier and hornier with age, and she seems to be numb. She never initiates anything, nor ever tries to surprise me.

Lately, she's become a prudish dud. And so it seems with most of my close friends' wives as well. Is it an age thing with women? Or like you say, isn't it supposed to get better? What to do? I am willing to do anything. If it feels good, it probably is good.

Suzi Says: Well, I can't speak for all women, and I certainly need more information about your situation, but here's a question: Did you or your wife ever design a sex life that you both enjoyed and found easily satisfying? Does she always have an orgasm, and if so, does she have them through intercourse?

Many women don't have orgasms through intercourse, and as a result, they lose interest in sexual activity. If this is the case with your wife, you may need to apologize if you haven't been focused on a sexual life that included her pleasure and satisfaction. She must have some power and say in it's design, too.

I'm not saying you and your friends are selfish lovers. All I'm saying is that society doesn't encourage women to be sexual. We aren't told that we work from our clitoris, not our vagina. We are suppose to be sexually passive. Men are taught to take control of the sex routine, and women are taught to allow this to happen.

Tell your wife you want to start your sex life from scratch. You want to build a sexual routine that includes her satisfaction. Get some counseling if you're interested. It can only help get to the bottom of the problem and clean out the sexual closet. Let me know what you and your wife decide. Women don't have to lose their interest in sex, they just have to nurture it.

Second Wife, A Surprise to Number Three

I am 43, and my husband of 18 months is 51. I just discovered that he has not one ex-wife, as he told me, but two. He does not know that I know, and I'm not sure if or how I should bring it up.

Suzi Says: Sit him down and in a calm voice ask him why he was so afraid to tell you that he was married twice. Was he ashamed? Did he feel you would love him less? ( Be honest if that is true.) Tell him that being married twice is not a problem. But lying or withholding important information like that is. You two need to build trust, and you can't if he or you lie about even the smallest thing. Hopefully, he will share his feelings honestly and apologize. Forgive him and tell him no more secrets or lies! Or you won't be able to trust him, and the marriage will fall apart. Then kiss and make up. If he gets defensive and angry, reconsider what you think you know about this man and act according to who he is, not what you want him to be. Make sure you always make it easy for him to tell you the truth; that way he has no excuse.

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Disclaimer: All material provided in Suzi's Loveseat is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Consult your own doctor or therapist regarding the applicability of any opinions or recommendations to your specific circumstances.