The desire to share your life with someone in the context of marriage is a wonderful goal. But, before you walk down the aisle, there are a few important questions you should ask yourself and your mate. In therapy circles, it is widely known that the most common fights in marriages are about money and sex. Have you ever considered your compatibility on those issues? What about the day-to-day things like chores or grocery shopping? There really is a lot to think about.
Use this list of questions as a guide to help learn the important answers to some of life's difficult challenges before they become an issue. Remember, it's the differences that we don't anticipate that seem so devastating when they happen.
1. If you have kids, who will stay home with the children? For how long?
2. Should one person sacrifice his or her career for the sake of being at home? For how long? How will you afford this?
3. What discipline style do you want to use with your children?
4. How will you spend your vacations? Will you take vacations together or apart or both?
5. How do you plan on solving arguments? Should you go to bed angry?
6. What are your feelings about monogamy and infidelity?
7. What religion will you practice, if any? Will you attend church as a couple or as a family?
8. What are your expectations around sex? How often would you like to be intimate, and what should you do if one person is interested and the other isn't? 9. Who will pay the bills every month? 10. How will you combine your incomes and divide expenses? What percentage of the bills are you responsible for? Do you feel this is fair? 11. Where do you see yourselves in two years? Five years? 10 years? 20 years? 12. Are you a morning person or a late-night person? 13. Who will do the grocery shopping, cooking, general cleaning of the inside of the house and the outside of the house? Is this fair? 14. What are your spending habits? How much should you put in savings monthly? 15. Does your family have a history of mental illness? 16. What are your goals, long term and short term for the following topics: career, children, ownership of things like houses, and any additional expenses that will affect you both? 17. Where will you live? Whose house will you live in? Will you get a new place? 18. Do you see yourself living in the same city for a while, or would you like to eventually change locations? 19. How often do you need a "date night"? 20. Are there any things "off limits" to your partner? 21. What is the best way to support you when you are stressed, upset or overwhelmed?
22. If you have problems in your marriage, to what lengths will you go to work things out? Is there anything in your mind that is "cannot be repaired"? 23. What are five small ways in which you can show and/or tell your partner that you love him or her each and every day -- without your partner having to ask for it? Some questions will require a lot of thought. Take your time with each one and let these questions be a guide. If you get stuck, put that question on hold for now and go to the next one. Don't allow one question keep you from going through the list. Remember, the best marriages are built on a strong foundation. John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships with his phenomenal New York Times bestseller "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" (HarperCollins, 2004). For help with your relationship today, visit Love Advice From AskMarsVenus.com.
Source: Relationships & Love
