Finding Time to Communicate

One of the major points my wife, Sue, and I stress in our new book, "Married to Distraction," is the critical element of time. People take time for granted. But without time, there is no attention, and without attention there is no communication or empathy, and without communication and empathy there is no connection, and without a connection there is no play, and without play there is no fulfilling intimacy, romance, or love. We often say that play is the main action of love. But it all depends upon the previous steps, starting with time.

It may sound silly or obvious, but if you don't make time you won't make love. If you don't make time, you won't get to where you want to be as a couple. If you don't make time, you will misunderstand each other and fight and struggle. What we call "the big struggle" plagues many a marriage. The best way to avoid it is not to spend hours in conflict resolution but to spend minutes of positive time together, chatting, cuddling, watching TV, or just about anything!

Set aside time. Maybe in the bathroom while one showers and the other shaves, you can TALK! Maybe in the kitchen while one cooks and the other sets the table, you can TALK! Maybe in the car while one drives and the other watches scenery, you can TALK! Using time...so obvious...but so much in need.

About the author:

Dr. Edward Hallowell is a psychiatrist and former member of the faculty at Harvard Medical School. He is also the founder of The Hallowell Centers in Sudbury, Massachusetts and New York City. He has authored eighteen books on various psychological topics, including the most recent, Married to Distraction, which he co-authored with his wife, Sue George Hallowell.