A patient sat in my office today and told me this story. Hers is a cautionary tale of a marriage gone sour because of the technological separation that happens when people are focused on their computers, Ipads and blackberries and not on their real live partner. But this story should also give couples everywhere hope that modern technology doesnt have to bring a marriage down. It can actually improve communication and intimacy. Next time you complain that your partner is attached to their phone or laptop, remind yourself that electronic devices can help your relationship as much as they can hurt it. Learn how one couple used texting to actually save their marriage.
He sat on the other side of the room and she watched his back, his face glowing in the reflection of the computer screen. She wandered from one side of the bedroom to the other, wondering if she could get his attention. She wondered if she should even bother trying. It had been weeks since they had really talked, months since they had made love. She looked down at her flannel pajamas and realized she had stopped trying long before that.
He clicked away on the keyboard and she cringed at the sound of the click-clacking that his fingertips made on the keys. That noise was the low rumble of background that had become the sound of their marriage. He was constantly on line or preoccupied on the computer. She felt like she had given up trying to get his attention and he assumed she no longer cared.
She picked up her own Iphone and checked her messages. Scrolling through her list of texts, she saw that her friends had regularly checked in with her throughout the evening. She started to realize, slowly, that these friends sent small cute messages to her all day long that made her feel cared about and loved. She knew that they thought about her and she went out of her way to send them texts that reminded them she too had thoughts of them during her busy life. She had an idea.Scrolling down through her contact list, she found her husbands name. She typed in, with one hand, and mostly thumbs, a short, snippy one line text What are you wearing? and with some trepidation, hit SEND. She heard the slight PING from across the room as her husbands text was received on his blackberry. She saw his head turn and glance at the small screen. He looked away. Then, quickly, he glanced back. He picked up the device, and pushed the keyboard with a thumb. She saw the screen light up, a green glow. He giggled. A real giggle, not a light manly laugh. A girly giggle, like she would do if she got a cute text. His thumb flew across the mini keys. Her text board lit up.Im totally naked under these clothes. It said. You????? She smiled. She sat on the bed that they shared, across the room. Watching his back still turned to her, she typed in,
I am totally naked, lying here, thinking of how hot you are. SEND.She watched him pick up the phone, and smile. His body relaxed in the chair. He sat back and swung one leg over the armrest. He laughed. This time a full belly laugh. His fingers flew.REALLY? LOL. What are you thinking about? His text said.If you only knew!! she texted back.Their texts flew back and forth until he finally turned around and smiling slyly, climbed aboard their shared bed, laughing and tickling her. She laughed back. As they made love for the first time in months, their phones sat by the bedside, blinking lights flashing in the darkness, no longer a nuisance or interference, but a connecting device that had brought them back together. Their texts reminded them that they are still only a XOXO away from love.Tammy Nelson PhD is a Sex and Relationship expert and the author of Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together Her book can be found at her website or purchased through Amazon.com.
