Remember the days when you had to compete for your husbands attention way back when you were still dating? I certainly do and can easily understand how a certain level of jealousy can be arousing. Marriage expert, Roseanne Rosen, author of The Living Together Trap, says you can use your romantic history to spice up your present relationship.
Conjure up an image of your husband in the arms of another woman. Or simply think about one of his old girlfriends. We always want what somebody else has, Rosen explains. Imagining that someone else finds your husband physically attractive will make him seem tremendously sexy and even more desirable to you.
Here are more experts tips on ways to steam up your marriage:
Let him know what you like
Making your sexual needs known, says David Viscott, author of Emotional Resilience, is the first step in getting them fulfilled. To do that, he suggests writing them down. Well, Im a fairly private person, and at first, when I tried this I found it a little intimidating. But once I did it, I realized it was a wonderful way of building intimacy and trust, as well as arousing some passionate urges.
- Make a list ask your partner to make one too of what you consider the most fulfilling and loving sexual experience youve had together, what time of day you enjoy making love and fantasies that excite you. Then compare lists.
Take care of yourself
Theres no way that you can love your husband if youre unfulfilled and unhappy. Martyrs make for miserable partners, no matter how perfect or flawed their mates may be. Ask yourself these questions: Other than my relationship, what do I find unsatisfying in my life? What is within my power to change? What can I do to help myself be more joyous and content?Ultimately, you really cant look to another person to spice up your life, says Marcella Wiener, PhD, author of The Problem is the Solution. Its a positive step to experiment with techniques to improve your marriage. But the basic energy that makes you feel happy and loving toward another human being has to come from the joy we feel within ourselves.Set aside a half hour or more a day and do something just for you. Take a stroll after dinner, enjoy a soak in a warm tub, have a heart to heart talk with a friend, read a book. Youll be refreshed and renewed and ultimately feel more optimistic about life. Of course that includes your relationship.Change the mediumIf youve spent hours trying to relay your feelings to your mate, but have gone nowhere, changing the method of communication may help. I created a video love letter to my husband and put it on a DVD and I asked him to do the same for me. In a quiet moment, I watched my husband and listened carefully to his loving words. His message went so deep into my heart I felt like a teenager luxuriating in her first crush. Now when we get caught up in old patterns, I watch the tape. Loving feelings never fail to wash through me.Robin Westen is the author of Relationship Repair (Sterling)See what others have to say about this story or leave a comment of your own.